


The Last Resurrection

by TreeofStars



Series: The Last Resurrection [1]
Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Chaptered, Cylons, F/M, Love, Post Episode: s04e19-e20 Daybreak, Resurrection, Romance, Series, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-05 00:11:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 42,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15158216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreeofStars/pseuds/TreeofStars
Summary: Cavil's greatest triumph was also his greatest mistake. Post Daybreak.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fic that means the most to me. It's my baby. Writing it was a lifeline during a terrifying time in my life. Posted over 2 years on LJ. Commenters and readers became friends. When I look back on that time now, this is the jewel that was formed amidst tremendous pressure, fear, and depression. I have 'sheltered' it on LJ for years now, where no one can stumble over it. I think it's time to share it again. Thank you for taking a chance on this, and I hope you enjoy.

Bill placed the flowers he’d gathered atop Laura’s final resting place and stood. There was nothing left inside him. Burying Laura had taken everything he had inside. He had half a mind to stay right there until death took him as well, but he knew that eventually Saul and Lee would come looking for him. He’d go back to the settlement, build her cabin, and swallow his grief. There were no more tears left to shed.

*****

“I’m not sure having the tent city so close to the ships is a good idea, Colonel.”

“Why not? The civvies will be traipsing back and forth for showers and other creature comforts every chance they get, anyway.”

Lee sighed. “That’s exactly why we need to distance the population from the ships. These people need to learn how to live on the land.”

Saul snorted in response. “Live on the land? You’ve got to be out of your godsdamned-“

“Colonel,” Lee interrupted, nodding to a spot on the horizon not far from where they stood. “My father’s back.”

Both men quickly dropped the subject at hand as they watched the Raptor approach the field. They knew Bill had flown away with Laura, but would be returning alone. There was even talk of him not coming back at all, which neither of them could bear to think about.

The raptor touched down not far from them, and the men quickly walked to meet its pilot. The hatch opened and Bill emerged. It looked to Lee that he’d aged 20 years in the short time he’d been gone. Not seeing Laura at his father’s side filled him with grief; he knew they would lose her, but being confronted with the reality of it hurt more than he thought possible. He reached out and embraced his father, letting his tears fall. He’d wanted to be strong for him, be the one to comfort.

Bill held his son tightly as he cried, his own composure threatening to crack. In truth, it did him good to comfort someone else, to know that someone else had loved Laura, and when he himself passed, she would not be forgotten.

He looked over Lee’s shoulder to see Saul, slightly uncomfortable and unsure of his place. As much as he’d wanted to shut himself off from everyone and everything, Bill was glad to be with people who loved him.

He extracted himself from Lee’s embrace and turned to his best friend, offering a slight smile. “Good to see you, Saul.”

“You too, Bill.”

Bill eyed the cluster of tents that had gone up in his absence. “Been busy?”

Lee gestured to the camp. “Come see. I’d like to go over our plans with you…are you hungry?”

Bill nodded, even though food was the last thing he’d wanted. As they walked toward the settlement, Bill caressed Laura’s metal bracelet in his pocket. The simple act calmed him, reminded him that she would always be with him – a tangible part of her he could hold on to.

*****

“I really don’t see the need to rush everyone off the ships.”

“They WANT to get off the ships, Colonel.” Lee countered.

“I understand that, and if they want to sleep on the grass, let em. Frak, if they want to construct mud huts for themselves, they can do that, too. But if they don’t, what’s the hurry?”

Bill could tell Saul, or more to the point, Ellen, had no desire to leave the comfort of their space quarters. He had sat back and listened to the two discuss and debate for several hours on how best to proceed with life here on this ‘Earth’, content to add nothing to the discussion. He’d been a leader of this ragtag fleet for years, making decisions and demands, but that was over now. Let someone else do the heavy lifting. He’d indulge his son and his friend this evening, but in the morning he’d be off to find the best way to construct Laura’s cabin. That was his mission now.

“Dad?” Lee interrupted his thoughts. “You okay?”

“Fine, son. Just a little tired.”

“Oh, of course. “ He turned to Saul. ‘Maybe we can continue this discussion tomorrow morning?”

“You know where to find me.” Saul stood in the tiny tent and gestured to Bill. “You coming back to Galactica?”

“No, I think I’ll stay here tonight. “ He looked to his son. “That okay with you?”

Lee nodded. “I’d like that."

“Okay then. “ Saul crossed over to Bill and put a hand on his shoulder. “You need anything, you let me know.”

“I will, Saul. I will.”

Lee was already cleaning up the remnants of their dinner as Saul exited. “Dad, you take the cot.”

“You sure, son?”

“Yeah. Benefit of youth, and all that.”

Bill looked at the hard ground beneath his feet. “I’m not sure how young you’re gonna feel in the morning.”

****

Hours later, Bill lay awake in the tent, thinking of Lee and Saul’s ideas for the people. What would Laura think of them still using the ships as a crutch? Would she want people to learn to live off the land right away, like Lee thought? Or perhaps she’d have enjoyed the sight of the huge ships anchored in the fields just beyond the settlement. Maybe, he mused, she wouldn’t care at all either way. He rolled over, catching a glimpse of his son sleeping fitfully on the ground. Lee. He’d grown so much since the attacks. It felt right to have him carry on what he and Laura had begun all those years ago. If the people were to survive, they needed a leader, someone to guide them, someone to listen to their complaints…

“Dad?” The blanket rustled as Lee sat up. “Can’t sleep?”

“No, son. How’s your back?”

“Fantastic. It’s my neck that’s the problem.”

Bill watched his son stretch his neck from side to side, trying to work out the kinks. “Lee?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m proud of you.”

Lee frowned. “For what?”

“You’re a good man. Laura would be happy knowing the people have you to look to.”

Picking at the blanket around his legs, Lee ventured, “I’m sorry, dad.”

“I know, son.”

“I was wondering if you...well…maybe you could stay with me. We could get another cot-“

“Lee, I’m not staying.”

“What do you mean? I know it’s small, but...”

“No, I don’t mean the tent. I mean, there’s a ridge overlooking the settlement. I buried Laura there. I’m going to build her cabin.”

For the first time, Lee was at a loss for words. “How? I mean, I don’t…”

“My mission for the last few years was to lead the people to a safe home. I’ve done that. Now my mission is to build that cabin. For the both of us. She deserves that, even if she won’t be here to see it.”

“I’ll help you, dad. Can I help you?” Lee knew his father often tackled impossible tasks on his own.

Bill nodded in the moonlight. “Yes. I think I’d like that.” He paused, a soft smile coming to his lips. “Laura would like it too.”

  
*****

“So much life….”

The sight of the earth below her, teaming with wildlife and lush forestry was the most perfect thing Laura Roslin had ever seen. Fitting that it would also be her last. She closed her eyes, listening to Bill’s voice beside her, until it grew softer and softer, as if coming from the other end of a tunnel. Her last thought before she lost consciousness was ‘I am happy.’

Warmth. Laura felt like she was floating on a cloud. As content as a baby in its mother’s womb. She could feel her limbs, weightless, swaying in the current. But something was pushing, prodding her upward. She tried to resist, but her body rose until it broke through the warmth, cold hitting her skin like ice. She opened her eyes and gasped for air. “Breathing,” she thought. “I’m breathing.”

That thought was quickly banished from her mind as she saw the long arm of a Centurion reaching for her. She tried to move, to run, but to her horror, she realized she was in a tank, her legs rubbery and useless. The Centurion’s claw like hand descended on her head and Laura prepared for the worst. But the metal creature patted her head softly in what she realized was an attempt at comfort. Shaking, Laura looked at the Centurion, its head cocked to its side. What was going on?

She looked down at the tank she was in, her body partially immersed in a thick opaque substance. Warmth, she thought. A clacking sound, soft at first, growing louder, approached from behind. A voice she vaguely recognized was at her ear. “It’s okay, Laura. Try to relax.”

Laura turned her head toward the voice. A Six. She opened her mouth to test her own voice. “Where am I?”

“You’re on one of our ships. Don’t worry. We aren’t going to hurt you.”

“Why? What am I doing here? I don’t understand-“

The Six cut her off with a grasp of her hand. “I will explain everything. I promise. Let’s get you out of here and cleaned up first, alright?”

Laura nodded slowly, glancing at the Centurion still at her side.

“We have a few Centurions on our ship. They are not your enemy, I assure you.”

The Six gripped Laura’s arm and pulled her to her feet. Her legs were weak. “Your strength will return quickly, just hold on to me.”

Together they managed to pull her out of the tank. The Six wrapped her in a robe. Laura took a moment to look into her eyes. “Do I know you?”

The Six smiled. “No. They call me Elizabeth. Well, sometimes they do. Some of my people think names are an unnecessary part of human culture that we have adopted.”

Laura nodded. “Where am I?”

“Come on,” Elizabeth led her away from the tank. “Let’s get you comfortable.”

 *****

Laura ran her hands down her body. It felt different. It  _was_  different. Tighter, stronger, younger.  It was familiar to her; a body lost to time and age. The fog engulfing her mind was starting to retreat, and Laura felt anger start to seep in. This had to be a sort of hell; penance perhaps for the Olympic Carrier or her lesser sins. This was not real. She was not a Cylon.

“Laura?”

She turned to find Elizabeth standing in the doorway.

“Are the clothes okay?”

Laura looked down at the black fitted blouse and blue flowing skirt. “They fit.”

Elizabeth smiled. “Good. How are you feeling?”

“Better. Stronger.”

“I suppose we should talk then.”

“Yes.” Laura moved to sit on the chaise in the middle of the room. She could feel her heart thudding in her chest, a heart that should be at rest.

Elizabeth sat next to her. “You’re probably thinking this is all a dream, a nightmare. But I assure you, this is real. You are a Cylon.”

Laura began to shake with fear and rage, unable to look Elizabeth in the eye. “No. That's not possible.”

Elizabeth took Laura’s hand and held it firmly. “You need to relax, and listen. You need to know where you came from.”

Laura shook her head, not trusting her voice. The Cylon beside her began to speak.

“You were created by our Number One , the one you know as Cavil. He’s always been a problem, wanting to be more than what he really is. After he boxed the Final Five, he attempted to create another Cylon model. There were many failures, and one success. You were that success. He was so proud of you. Of what he’d done. He was a creator, greater than the rest of us, in his mind at least. When he unboxed the Five, they had no knowledge of you. He set you free as he did with the others. You were his secret.”

Laura shook her head once more. “Why though? Why create me and then let me go?”

“The idea of you was enough for him. He didn’t want to run tests on you, or use you as a pawn in a game. Although my research suggests he did try and implant a trigger in you like the Five have. Thankfully, he failed.”

“But, I had cancer-”

“Yes. Cavil’s creation was not without flaws. I suspect he used corrupted DNA which later led to your cancer.”

Laura stood and began to pace. “This isn’t happening. I won’t believe any of it. I won’t.”

Elizabeth smiled sadly. “You must, Laura. You have another chance at life. I know this isn’t what you wanted. But it’s here. It’s real, and so are you.”

“Am I? According to you, someone manufactured me.”

“You’re as real as you were before.”

Laura raised her hand to stop that line of thought from going any further. “Where are we?”

“A resurrection hub. Smaller than the one you’ve encountered. There are few of us here. Mostly centurions.”

“Where is Cavil?”

“Dead. Offline.”

Laura looked at Elizabeth, knew instinctively that it was her doing. “Why?”

“He was dangerous. He’s kept me here, doing his bidding, and I long to join my people, and yours, on Earth.”

“Earth. “ Something struck Laura. “How much time has passed?”

“Very little. You downloaded as soon as you died, same as the rest of us.”

Laura was quiet, trying to absorb all of what she’d been told, still willing herself to believe that none of it was truly real. “What do we do now?”

Elizabeth smiled. “We go home.”


	2. Chapter 2

Laura lay on the chaise in the middle of the cold room she’d been shown to. Elizabeth had left her to her thoughts, presumably making preparations for the trip to Earth.   
  
Everything she knew, everything she believed was a lie. She had been created by a Cylon; the only fate worse than simply being a Cylon. Her memories of her family, her childhood; all fabricated. Or perhaps they belonged to the real Laura Roslin, if one had existed. She was a fraud, a sham. How in the worlds could she go back to her people, her Bill?  
  
Bill. What would he think? Would he still love her? He loved Saul as a brother, even after finding out he was a Cylon. But this was different. Could he share his life, his bed with a Cylon? And even if he could, could she allow him to love her when she found herself so repulsive? Laura wanted to crawl out of her own skin. Whatever the frak this was, it wasn’t, and would never be, her reality. She couldn’t go back to her people. They could never know that their President had been a skin job all along.  
  
Laura sat up and dared herself to look in the large mirror on the wall. What she saw was a younger version of herself. Maybe early forties, if memory served. She chuckled bitterly at that. No, memory would not serve her well anymore. Her hair was back, long and vibrant; the loose curls falling midway down her back. The wrinkles around her eyes had diminished, and her skin had a healthy glow. Her breasts were of particular curiosity to her, both were full and whole; the left not marked and shriveled with disease. Her body was leaner than she remembered. When Elizabeth had offered her clothes, she’d thought them too small. But they had fit perfectly. Not her style, she’d thought, but then, she didn’t even know who she was anymore. Her eyes shifted in the mirror to watch Elizabeth enter the room.   
  
“We’re on our way.”   
  
*******************  
  
Bill could not believe the sight before him. In less than 24 hours, more than one hundred people had gathered together to help build Laura’s cabin. Once word of her death had spread through camp, people wanted to gather and hold some sort of memorial. Someone, he guessed Lee, had suggested a more fitting use of their time and energy.   
  
Machines and tools that could be used for gathering and preparing lumber had been pulled from several ships, and work had begun. Logs were peeled, post holes were dug, and a mixture of clay and other substances Bill wasn’t sure about were used for the floor. He watched everyone work, pitching in and lending a hand to whomever needed it. At first he felt a little lost. This was something he’d wanted to do for Laura. But now seeing the back breaking work involved, he was grateful for the help. These people loved Laura too, and were glad to put their grief to good use.   
  
One industrious soul from the Triton had constructed a toilet out of a hollowed out log. Two others followed his lead and began to construct an outhouse around it. Bill saw the Chief leading a crew in collecting steel and other metals from the remains of the grounded Galactica, presumably to cover the roof. He’d smiled at that, happy to know that part of his ship would still give him shelter.   
  
Similarly, glass was harvested from the battlestar for three windows – two in the front room on either side of the doorway, and one in the bedroom. Bill noticed that Laura’s resting place could be seen from the front room. It gave him a measure of peace to know she wouldn’t be far from him.   
  
By the end of the second day, steel was being put over the lumber on the roof, and Bill was helping several of his former Marines bring his and Laura’s belongings to the site. As they unloaded the last of the boxes, Lee approached him.  
  
“How bout we get some dinner?”  
  
“Is everyone finishing up for the evening?”  
  
“Soon, Dad. Let’s take a break.”  
  
Bill shook his head. “They work, I work.”  
  
Lee sighed. “You’re not making this easy.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“They want to finish it up without you here. Make it more of a surprise.”  
  
Bill frowned. He wasn’t one for surprises. He opened his mouth to protest, but Lee cut him off.  
  
“Please, Dad. You gave them years of service, as did Laura. Let them do this for the both of you.”  
  
“Alright, alright.” Bill looked over at Laura’s spot, wanting to stop for a moment before Lee whisked him away, but two of the men from the Kimba Huta were standing in the vicinity of her resting place.  
  
Lee reached out and rested a hand on his father’s back, slowly turning him from the cabin site and leading him down the hill to the camp.   
  
*******************  
  
Laura watched as Elizabeth accessed the datastream in the Control and Command Center. She wondered what would happen if she put her own hand in the liquid.  
  
“I’d offer to have you try this, but I think you might have enough to process at the moment,” Elizabeth said, sensing Laura’s thoughts.  
  
“That’s okay. I think you’re right.” She moved closer to Elizabeth. “Are we close to Earth?”  
  
“Not far. Cavil, my copy of Cavil, followed your fleet fairly closely for years. He wanted to be close if you died, so your consciousness would download.”  
  
“How is that possible? We never detected you on DRADIS.”  
  
Elizabeth smiled. “Cavil was a bastard, but he was a brilliant bastard. He figured out how to cloak this ship so it would be undetectable to Colonial ships as well as other basestars.”  
  
“Is this a Basestar, or a hub?”  
  
“More of a hybrid of the two. A Hub on a much smaller scale, with many of the basestar features.”  
  
“Are there many bodies here?”  
  
“You mean, bodies for you?”  
  
Laura’s blood ran cold. She’d meant more Sixes and Ones. Her mind hadn’t reached the thought of more copies of herself. “I-“  
  
Elizabeth removed her hand from the stream and faced Laura. “Don’t panic. You only have one body. The one you’re in now. Cavil didn’t have the resources to make many of you.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Really. So in that regard, your humanity is intact. The next time you die, you really will die.”  
  
Laura let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “I’m not sure it’s possible, but that might make this a tiny bit easier to digest.”  
  
“I thought you might think so.”  
  
“Elizabeth, what if I don’t want this?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I didn’t exactly have a choice in this. Being….” Laura gestured to her body, not able to form the words. “Being whatever I am isn’t what I want. I can’t live this way. I can’t be….I can’t be what you are.”  
  
Elizabeth smiled sadly. “Laura, you already are.”  
  
Laura looked down at the data stream, her eyes glazing over with tears. They weren’t tears of sadness; rather, they were tears of anger. Where was her choice? She felt her hands balling into fists on the console; Elizabeth’s voice a faint mumble in her ear. Whatever she was saying, Laura didn’t want to hear it. She shook her head violently, oblivious to Elizabeth’s hands clutching her arms.  
  
“NO! Don’t touch me!” Laura fought the hands attempting to restrain her.  
  
“Laura…Laura, listen to me. Please.”  
  
“I said, LET ME GO!” Laura raised her arm and felt her hand connect with Elizabeth’s chin. Arms freed, she turned to run from the Command Center. Her vision flooded with steel, two large metal arms reached out to restrain her once more. As she attempted to escape from the Centurion’s grasp, she heard someone screaming. The last thing Laura thought before she blacked out was that the screams weren’t coming from someone else; they were coming from her own mouth.   
  
*******************  
  
As Lee watched his father lace his boots the following morning, he thought he caught a glimpse of excitement, or at the very least, anticipation. Keeping him away from the cabin site all night had proven to be a tough challenge. It was worth it now, knowing that some happiness awaited him. If anyone deserved it, it was his father.   
  
“You ready to go, son?”  
  
Lee nodded, and gestured to the tent flap, indicating he go first. Outside, they noticed that the camp was abnormally quiet. Lee smiled, thinking of all of the people waiting for them at the now-finished cabin. He’d hoped his father would like what they’d done. Looking over at Bill, who was walking slightly ahead, Lee realized that he needn’t worry about pleasing him anymore. His father had changed. Whether that was due to their lives now, or Laura, he wasn’t sure. But he was grateful.  
  
“You’re quiet back there,” Bill ventured.  
  
“Lost in thought.”  
  
“Don’t get too lost. Don’t want you to forget the way to my front door.”  
  
Lee quickened his step, putting a hand on his father’s shoulder. “Never.”  
  
They walked in silence the rest of the way to the cabin.  
  
*******************  
  
Bill was in shock. He and Laura’s cabin was beyond anything he’d envisioned. It was one of the most beautiful sights he’d ever seen. All the workers stood around the single floor structure, smiling with pride. One of the men approached him, and introduced himself as Ben Andersen. Bill took his offered hand and shook it warmly.  
  
“Admiral Adama, on behalf of the 161 men, women, and children gathered here today, I’d like to welcome you home. You and President Roslin finally gave us a place to call home, and we were honored to return the gesture.”  
  
Bill nodded, his vision filling with tears. When he spoke, his voice trembled. “Thank you all for this gesture. I can tell you that your President would have been forever grateful to you all, as I am. You took her dream, and turned it into a reality. I urge all of you to turn the dreams you have for yourself, and for your fellow man, into reality as well. Band together like you have in the last few days, and the human race will surely thrive.” He paused, looking at the faces of those gathered before him. “Thank you.”  
  
The people cheered, flocking toward him to shake his hand, and offer their thanks for his service and condolences on the loss of Laura. He was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed when a familiar voice reached his ears.   
  
“Alright, alright. Let’s let the man enjoy his cabin.”  
  
Saul. Bill turned around, the sight of his best friend prompting a small smile. “There you are. I wondered where you’ve been.”  
  
“You know me. I keep a low profile.”  
  
Bill recalled Saul’s attempts at home repairs over the years, including a lopsided dog house he’d constructed for a puppy Ellen had bought on a whim many years ago. He was secretly grateful Saul hadn’t picked up a tool to help with this endeavor.   
  
“I believe the Colonel was in charge of refreshments,” Lee interjected.  
  
“Hey now. Don’t knock it. Building things gets a man awfully thirsty.”  
  
“Both of you, thank you. Now who’s gonna walk me to the front door?”  
  
*******************  
  
Laura woke slowly, her mouth dry. She squinted at the harsh light invading her vision. She tried to sit up, but couldn’t move. Looking down, she realized she was strapped to a chair.  
  
Elizabeth approached her slowly. “Laura? Are you feeling better?”  
  
“What is this? Why am I restrained?”  
  
“Everything’s okay. We had to restrain you. You were a danger to yourself.”  
  
Elizabeth’s voice was patronizing, though Laura knew all the Sixes had a habit of talking that way. Still, it only pissed her off further. “I’m not a danger to anyone. Let me up.”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
Laura felt her tension ease ever so slightly as the straps were undone. “Did you drug me?”  
  
“Of course not. You passed out. We were afraid that when you came to, you’d have another…outburst.”  
  
Laura suddenly remembered punching Elizabeth. “Oh my Gods. I’m sorry. I-“  
  
“Don’t be. Really. Besides, it’s time for a fresh start.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“We’ve arrived, Laura. We’ve reached Earth.”


	3. Chapter 3

Bill ran his hand along the wood rail on the cabin’s steps as he approached his new front door. It didn’t feel right to do this without Laura, but this is what she would have wanted for him. This was  _their_  home, not simply his.

“You gonna stand there or you want someone to carry you over the threshold?”

“Colonel!” Lee rebuked the older man, but Bill waved it off, pushing open the heavy door and stepping inside. What he saw took his breath away.

The logs that made up the walls were different sizes, giving the interior plenty of character. There was one main room, with a wood stove, and several bookcases along the walls. A couple he recognized as his own, but clearly a few had been recently made. All of their books now had a home as well. Bill ran his hands along the familiar bindings as he walked further into the room. His beloved couch, large as it was, took up much of the back portion of the room. How they’d managed to get it down here, he couldn’t guess. Across from the stove sat his desk. His furniture dwarfed the small cabin, but he was glad to have familiar things surrounding him. Two large windows sat on either side of the front door, and Bill smiled inwardly at seeing one of his chairs placed in front of the east window. From there, he could see Laura’s grave.

“Dad?” Lee’s voice came from the second room, placed directly behind the first. A small doorway on the back wall, to the left of his couch, led him into their bedroom. Lee was standing next to the small window across from the bed. Bill approached him and followed his gaze. His new view was of the settlement; from here he could see their people grow and prosper.

He turned to the bed, much larger than the rack he was used to. It was a fine gesture, but his heart hurt at the sight of it. Laura should be sharing this bed with him. Lee explained, “This was pulled from one of the ships. It’s not very new, but we couldn’t exactly put your rack in here. I know it’s big but…”

“It’s fine, son. Perfect. Thank you.”

Saul knocked on the doorframe. “Everything to your liking, Admiral?”

“Yes, thank you Saul.”

“Well, you might want to thank me again. Ellen wanted to throw a house warming party for you. I managed to talk her out of it. Thought you could use the peace and quiet.”

“You thought wisely. Thank you.” Turning to Lee, he added, “Both of you. For everything.”

“You want us to stay a while?”

“No,” Bill gingerly sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m gonna settle in. Maybe go for a walk.”

“Okay, dad.” Lee leaned down and half-hugged his father, prompting Saul to follow suit.

“My flap will always open for you.”

Bill managed a smile. “Thanks Saul.”

Listening to them exit the cabin, Bill stood and walked to the window, watching them head back to the settlement. “We did it, Laura.” He allowed a tear to fall, the first he’d shed since her death.

 

*****

“Elizabeth, we need to discuss this.”

Laura had found the Cylon in the Command Center, surrounded by 3 other Sixes and a handful of Centurions.

“Recon is complete. We used a Heavy Raider to locate the fleet settlement.” Elizabeth didn’t spare Laura a glance as she spoke.

“So the people must know something is up?”

“No. We waited till nightfall, and our team never set down on the planet.”

“Good. May I talk to you in private?”

Elizabeth frowned, but nodded and dismissed the rest of the group. “Is there a problem?”

“Of course there’s a problem! I can’t go down there, Elizabeth. I won’t. I still can’t wrap my mind around…” Laura gestured to her surroundings. “ _This_. What would you have me do? Walk off this ship and announce to everyone that I’m a Cylon?”

“Well, no. Obviously there will be a period of adjustment, and your situation will be handled with discretion. There must be some place we can hide you until we can figure out the best way to address the people. Perhaps Admiral Adama-“

“NO! The Admiral won’t be brought into this. I swear to you, Elizabeth, if he finds out…” Laura’s voiced trailed off as she thought of the possibility of Bill seeing what she really was. “He  _can’t_. Not now.”

The look on Elizabeth’s face signaled something akin to pity, but she just nodded in agreement. “It’ll be okay, Laura. We’ll find you someplace safe. No one will know until you are ready.”

*****

Bill struck a match and lit the gathering of candles on the table beside his bed. Living by candlelight was definitely going to be an adjustment. The flickering light illuminated a small box on the floor he hadn’t noticed before. Curious, he reached for it and opened the flap. His heart dropped when he realized the contents – Laura’s clothes. An aide had packed her things with care; everything was folded neatly. There wasn’t one item he did not recognize as he slowly unpacked the box. He wasn’t sure what to do with it all, but he knew this was where they would stay for some time.

Finding her threadbare nightgown at the bottom of the box, Bill laid it out carefully on the right side of the bed, smoothing the wrinkled fabric. After placing the rest of the items back in the box, he curled up beside the gown and waited for sleep to take him.


	4. Chapter 4

Laura wasn’t sure if it was true about Cylons not needing sleep. She certainly  _felt_ exhausted. And what about before? Had she been programmed to ‘need’ sleep in order to fit in with the humans? She shut her eyes, willing her questioning mind to stop. There were so many things she didn’t understand, and wasn’t sure she even wanted to. Part of her was still trying to convince herself that none of this was real.

“Laura?”

She sat up on the chaise and faced Elizabeth, hovering in the doorway. “Yes?”

“There’s someone here to see you.”

“Wh-“ Before she could get the word out, Saul Tigh walked into the room.

Both of their jaws dropped; Laura stood and backed away. “No, no. Elizabeth…” Saul would surely tell Bill. What had she done?

Elizabeth crossed to Laura quickly, placing her hands on her shoulders. “Laura, listen to me. It’s okay.”

“No. Bill…”

“He isn’t going to tell him. He promised.”

“Laura,” Saul had found his voice, and stood now behind Elizabeth. “I do think Bill should know.” Laura opened her mouth to protest, and Saul raised a hand to stop her. “But, if you don’t want him to know just yet, I’ll respect it.”

Laura nodded. “Thank you, Colonel.”

He shook his head. “Just Saul now. No need for titles anymore.”

“Yes. I suppose you’re right.”

“Elizabeth, you think you could give us a minute?”

“Of course. Let me know if you need anything.”

Laura and Saul sat on the chaise, neither knowing where to begin. Saul was the first person she’d come into contact with that knew her ‘before’, and she couldn’t help but feel uncertain. On the other hand, if anyone knew what she was going through, it was him.

“How is he?” she asked.

“Lost.”

“I can’t tell him, Saul. I can’t.”

“What exactly do you think he’s gonna do? He accepted me; you think he won’t accept you?”

“This is different.”

“Why? Cause I wasn’t the one keepin his bed warm?”

Laura shot him a look. “What are you doing here?”

“One of the Sixes came for me. Said there was something I needed to know.”

“And she brought you here to Elizabeth?”

“Yes.”

“How much do you know?”

“Everything.”

Laura nodded. “I suppose she thinks you’re going to convince me to go down there.”

“I don’t think you have a choice. The Centurions are taking this ship.”

“Where?”

“Damned if I know. But just like the last Basestar, they’re goin.”

“Son of a BITCH!” Laura shot up and began pacing the room.

“You could always go with them.”

“Frak you.” She paused in front of him. “I don’t think you grasp the situation. I can’t just walk off a Raider and…”

“I don’t think anyone’s suggesting that. I have an idea.”

 

*****

“It’s a beautiful day today. You should see it. I watched the sun rise from the window of our cabin. We have a wonderful view of the settlement. The people are okay, Laura. I don’t know if you can see that wherever you are. You would be so proud of them.”

Bill buried the stems of the tiny white flowers in between the rocks on her grave as he spoke. He’d never given much credence to the existence of an afterlife, but lately he’d been finding himself wanting to believe. He’d never given in to the thought when Zak had died. Then he’d been able to busy himself with the rituals of life and work. But now, he had nothing but time. And he’d found that the thought of his Laura not existing  _somewhere_  made it difficult to breathe.

The only distraction he had now were his books. And many of those reminded him of her as well. He’d taken to watching the sun rise in the morning, heading out for a walk to pick flowers for Laura, and then returning in the afternoon to sit by her grave and read until the sun started to set. He’d had no visitors in the past few days, which suited him just fine. He’d imagined everyone was busy setting up their own tents and shelters. The only person he’d had trouble explaining the absence of was Saul.

  
*****

“I’m not sure I like this plan of yours, Saul.”

“You got a better idea?”

Laura and Saul were crouched in the bush about 50 yards from the cluster of anchored ships. The Heavy Raider had set down on Earth far from the settlement; forcing the small group of Cylons to hike several hours to reach their destination. The four Sixes, including Elizabeth, were headed directly to the settlement. They’d felt confident that they could blend in with the people without question. Laura had found herself battling a bout of anxiety as she watched Elizabeth slip away in the darkness of the night. She’d never liked any of the woman’s answers, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to face this new life on her own.

“Alright, coast seems clear. Keep that hood up, and follow me.”

Laura scrambled up as Saul headed into the clearing, jogging to keep up with him. She clutched her hood closed at the neck, her eyes on Saul’s boots ahead of her. When he stopped, she nearly slammed into him.

“Home sweet home,” Saul whispered, pulling a small ladder out from behind a pallet of boxes. He set up the ladder, and climbed to the top, unlocking a hatch on the bottom hull of Colonial One. Opening it, he crawled inside and beckoned her to follow.   
 

***** 

“They stripped the ships of a lot of stuff, but I found that sofa of yours still in here.”

Laura sat gingerly on the familiar piece of furniture in her old quarters, giving Saul a nod. “Thank you.”

“The water still works, but I wouldn’t use it too much. Some of the civvies are still living in the ships, and many of them come and go around here all day. Doubtful they’d hear you, but best be on the safe side.”

“I will.”

“All the shades have been pulled. Not that anyone is tall enough to look in here, though.”

“No one is living in here?”

“No. She’s sealed up like a tomb. No one goes in or out.”

Laura winced at his choice of words. “Except you, right?”

“You want me to visit you?”

“Well, I guess you’re my only link to the outside world now.”

“That’s a scary thought.”

“I appreciate this, Saul. Really.”

“You can’t stay here forever, you know.”

“I know. I just need some time.”

“And the longer you wait, the more pain he’s in.”

Laura sighed. “I know. But you don’t really think this is going to be any easier for him than mourning me, do you?”

“I don’t know much. But I know Bill. It might not be easy, but he’d never walk away from you.”

She couldn’t speak; only bow her head in something akin to shame. She had to believe Saul was right, but the thought of Bill knowing what she really was filled her with fear. Good or bad, he’d never look at her the same way again. No one would.

Saul turned to leave, pausing at the curtain. “I’ll help you as much as I can, Laura. But I won’t let you keep this from Bill forever.”


	5. Chapter 5

It was a blue dress that was Laura’s undoing.

Elizabeth had packed a bag with clothes for her before they’d set off for Earth. Skirts and frilly tops – nothing appropriate for living on the land. Laura had unpacked it, draping each item over the remaining pieces of furniture in her quarters. There was a blue dress – long, with flowing sleeves. In short, nothing she would have ever picked out for herself. It was, however, something she could see one of the Sixes in. And that did it. Seeing that foreign item amongst everything that was familiar from her old life triggered something in her head. She walked over to the dress, snatching it up and tearing it into smaller and smaller pieces. With each rip of the fabric, she allowed a tear to fall. Harder and harder she ripped, harder and harder she cried. She only stopped when the pieces of fabric became too small for her to grasp.

She collapsed against the couch, willing her tears to stop. Tears were a human response. What she needed was a solution to her problem. She could run, but how far would she get? She wasn’t very confident in her hunting and fishing skills. She had no suitable clothing, and nothing for shelter. She’d be dead within days.

Another thought occurred to her then. If what Elizabeth said was true, there were no more bodies for her. And even if there were, the Centurions had taken off with the Resurrection Ship. It was logical to assume that when she died, she really would  _die_. The question was, could she do that to herself? And how? She methodically looked around the room for tools to use. There was no rope or long material with which to hang herself, and she had no gun. Her eyes fell to her old desk. Laura quickly stood and walked over to it, rummaging through the mostly empty drawers. Her hands grasped cold metal. A letter opener. She frowned. Definitely not sharp enough. Just to make sure, she ran it over the delicate skin on her wrist. The sight of metal probing her flesh made her pause. What exactly was she doing? One more chance at life, and this was her choice? It was a frakked up chance at life, but a chance nonetheless. Suicide could not be an option. She tossed the letter opener back into the drawer and slammed it shut.

*****

There was no question – something was up with Saul.

After several days with no contact, Bill decided to take a walk down to the camp. It really wasn’t like his best friend to stay away for so long, plus he had to admit being isolated for too long was probably a bad idea.

The settlement camp was a hive of activity. People were cleaning clothes, cooking on small stoves, children were running about. Everyone Bill saw had a warm greeting for him. He headed in the direction of Lee’s tent, or at least where he thought it was.  The many rows of tents and shelters made it difficult to get one’s bearings. He randomly wondered where all the material for shelters had come from. These people were industrious to say the least.

One kindly older man pointed out Lee’s tent, and Bill headed over, scratching the flap to signal a visitor.

“Come in!”

Bill stepped in, noticing not much had changed since his last visit. Lee owned a small cot, table, and a couple of chairs. “Hi, Lee.”

“Dad! Come in, sit down.” Lee pulled one of the chairs out and gestured for him to sit.

“I’m okay, son.”

Lee nodded. “Can I get you anything? Just got a fresh jug of water from the stream.”

“No, I’m fine. Have you seen Saul?”

“Uh, no. Actually I haven’t. I heard Ellen asking around for him yesterday.”

“Was she worried?”

“Who, Ellen? No. A couple of guys down the hill mentioned they’d seen him by the ships. I think that pissed her off. He got her to move over here, and he’s spending all his time on Galactica, or wherever.”

“You know where their tent is?”

“Uh, I think it’s a few rows south.”

“Thanks son. I’ll stop back on my way home.”

“Okay dad.”

Bill exited the tent, and set off in search of Saul. He didn’t have to travel far to find him, however. About four tents east of Lee, he found Saul bartering with a young man. Bill listened to the conversation as he approached.

“It’s real gold. Solid.” Saul was dangling a gold bangle bracelet in front of the man.

“I’m not sure what good that’ll do me,” was the young man’s reply.

“You might not need it, but someone else might want it. Think of what you could trade for it.”

“If it’s so valuable, why do you want to let it go for just an old pair of women’s tennis shoes?”

“You offering anything else?” Saul countered.

“No.”

“Then that’s why. We have a deal or not?”

The young man nodded, and the items were exchanged. Saul turned around and came face to face with Bill, nearly jumping out of his skin.

“Bill! What’re you doing down here?”

“Just came to see how everyone’s doing. Doing a little trading?”

“What? Oh. Uh, yeah.” Saul definitely sounded off.

“For Ellen?”

“These?” He looked down at the shoes dangling from his hand. “ Yeah. For Ellen. Told her it was time to get out of those heels of hers and into some sensible shoes.”

Bill eyed the gold bracelet on the young man’s table. “I’m surprised she let you trade  _that_  for a pair of old shoes.”

Saul simply nodded. “So, anything you need down here? You got enough food up there?”

“Enough to last me a few more days at least.”

“Good, that’s real good. You need any booze?”

“No, Saul. I’m all set.” Bill watched Saul’s eye glance erratically around them. It was a habit Bill noticed only occurred when his best friend was nervous. Or lying through his teeth.

“You’ll be back down in a few days?”

“I should be.”

“I’ll show you around a bit then. Right now I gotta run over to the shipyard and help a few men unload more supplies.”

“You need any help?”

“No!” Saul’s loud and quick reply stirred even more suspicion in Bill. “It’s just that we probably won’t need the three men we have. Two man job at the most I think, but I have the key to the ship.”

Bill nodded. “Okay. Well I’ll see you in a few days then.”

“You bet.”

Bill watched as Saul walked off in the direction of the ships, still carrying the shoes. He made a quick decision to follow. Something was up, and he wanted to know what it was.

*****

Bill followed Saul to Colonial One, although it was not an easy task. He had to stop several times to avoid being caught. Despite it getting dark, and only having one eye, the frakker was alert on anyone seeing exactly where he was going. Bill hid in a small crop of bushes not far from the ships, and watched Saul climb up and into the liner, pulling his ladder up behind him. Bill wasn’t sure how long he was in there, although it was long enough for his legs to cramp up while he crouched in his hiding spot. Finally he saw movement under the ship – a ladder being lowered down, and Saul exiting the ship, carefully shutting and locking the hatch behind him. What in the hell was he up to? Bill watched him stow the ladder behind some boxes and head back to camp. He decided not to confront his friend then, but wait. Perhaps he could coax it out of him when he saw him in a few days.

It wasn’t until he was halfway back to the cabin did it dawn on Bill that Saul had left the shoes on Colonial One. His friend definitely had someone in there. Question was, who?

****

Two days later, Bill was waiting for Saul to arrive at the cabin. Lee had come up for a visit the day before, and Bill had asked him to have Saul come up the following day. His son had thought Bill hadn’t wanted to make the walk because it was hard on his back, and Bill let him believe it. Truth was, there was no chance of a distraction up here.

He was searching his bookshelf for another book to read when he heard the knock at the door. “Come in,” he called over his shoulder.

Saul entered, carrying a basket of what looked like some kind of vegetable and a bottle of something vaguely resembling alcohol. “Brought you some provisions.”

“Thank you, Saul. Just set em on the table there. Can I get you anything?”

“No, no. I’m good.”

Saul passing up a drink was suspect. Bill decided on a somewhat direct approach. “Sit down. You in a hurry to leave?”

“Ah, no. I can stay for a minute.”

“Good. So, how is it down there? Lee says you and Ellen seem to be settling in nicely.”

“He said that, huh? Yeah, I suppose so. We’re doing alright.”

“Ellen like her shoes?”

Saul tripped over a small pile of firewood by the stove. “Godsdammit!”

“Saul,” Bill watched as he tried in vain to neaten the pile. “ _Saul_.”

“Sorry bout that, Bill. I’m even sober, can you believe that?” He let out a little laugh, but Bill didn’t join him.

“What’s goin on, Saul?”

“What do you mean?” The two men were now sitting on the couch.

“You in some kind of trouble?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I saw you the other night. You didn’t help some men with supplies. You went to Colonial One.”

“You followed me?”

“I know you, Saul. Something’s going on with you. You’re never around, and when I do see you you’re jumpy and in a hurry to leave. So tell me what’s goin on.”

Saul was silent for a moment, not daring to look at Bill. “I’m fine, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not in any trouble.”

“Then what’s the deal with Colonial One? Lee said that no one was living on there. You wanna tell me otherwise?”

Saul stood. “Look, Bill. I’m helping someone. That’s all I can say.”

“Someone who needs tennis shoes.”

“Bill, please. Don’t push the issue.”

“I’m only pushing the issue because it doesn’t make any sense. What kind of trouble can someone, I gather, a  _woman_ , be in that would warrant her hiding on a ship?”

“You’ll know soon enough.” The words were out before Saul even realized what he’d said. He silently cursed himself as Bill stood up behind him.

“Now what does  _that_  mean?”

Saul took a deep breath before turning to face his friend. “I can’t say any more. I’ve already said enough. I need to go.”

Bill grabbed his arm. “Why can’t you tell me? Does this have something to do with me?”

“I’m asking you, Bill. For the last time. Just stop. You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“I’m not letting you leave until you tell me. At first I just thought you had some woman up there, godsforbid maybe even knocked her up. But now I realize it’s more serious than that.”

Saul took a good look at his friend for the first time in days. He’d lost weight. His body slumped when it used to stand tall. He was wasting away, and Saul knew why. Defeated, he sat back down on the couch.

“It’s about Laura,” he whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

_Saul took a deep breath before turning to face his friend. “I can’t say any more. I’ve already said enough. I need to go.”_

_Bill grabbed his arm. “Why can’t you tell me? Does this have something to do with me?”_

_“I’m asking you, Bill. For the last time. Just stop. You don’t know what you’re asking.”_

_“I’m not letting you leave until you tell me. At first I just thought you had some woman up there, godsforbid maybe even knocked her up. But now I realize it’s more serious than that.”_

_Saul took a good look at his friend for the first time in days. He’d lost weight. His body slumped when it used to stand tall. He was wasting away, and Saul knew why. Defeated, he sat back down on the couch._

_“It’s about Laura,” he whispered._

“What the frak are you talking about?”

Saul shook his head. “I don’t even know how to say it.”

“Say WHAT?”

“There was something about Laura that none of us knew.”

“What?” Bill’s mind was completely blank now. Laura was gone. He had no clue what Saul could be talking about.

“This isn’t easy, Bill.”

“Then just say it.”

“Maybe you should sit down.”

‘Maybe you should just come out with it already.”

The former Colonel sighed, knowing his next words would forever change his friend’s life. “Laura Roslin was a Cylon.”

Bill clenched his fists, his feet rooted to the floor. “The frak do you mean by that?”

“Exactly what I said. She wasn’t human.”

“Is this some kind of a sick joke? Of course she was human. She had cancer. It took her  _life_.”

Saul snorted. “We have Cavil to thank for that. For all of it. He created her. And he didn’t do a good job of it, either. Corrupted DNA, or something like that.”

Bill was shaking his head as his friend spoke. “That’s impossible. You know that, Saul.”

“No, Bill.” He stood, placing his hands on Bill’s shoulders. “She’s a Cylon.” His heart broke watching Bill’s eyes search his, confusion and anger fighting for dominance.

“What do you mean, ‘is’? How could you even know that? If this were true, there aren’t any resurrection ships left. You can’t prove it.”

“Oh, Bill. You weren’t even supposed to find out this way.”

“You really do believe this, don’t you? How can you? What kind of proof did they give you? Was it the Leobens? Are they behind this?” Bill was desperately grasping for straws. None of this made any sense.

“I have all the proof I need.”

“What are you talking about?”

“There was one Cylon ship we didn’t know about. A smaller one with resurrection capabilities. One of the Sixes who was aboard that ship came for me several days ago and said she had something she needed to discuss with me.”

“Several days ago?” Bill cut him off. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“They would only speak to me if I swore to keep what I was told to myself. I never dreamed it would have anything to do with Laura.”

“So where is this ship now?”

“Gone. Taken by the Centurions that were on board.”

“How convenient. Where are the Sixes now?”

“In the settlement camp.”

“One more thing I don’t understand – why did they come to you? Why not me? Whatever they wanted to accomplish by doing this, wouldn’t it be better to talk to me than you?”

Saul smiled sadly. “She wouldn’t let them tell you.”

“Who?!”

“Laura.”

Bill turned away from Saul, going back to the sofa. Perhaps Saul was right; he should be sitting down for this. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” He fixed his gaze on Saul. “You’re telling me the truth.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you about something like this.”

Bill put his head in his hands. His voice was a whisper. “And you’re saying she’s alive?”

“Yes.”

“Where is she?”

Saul thought Bill would have put two and two together by now, considering his surveillance the other night. “Colonial One.”

The look on Bill’s face was one of pure devastation. He looked across the room to the window overlooking Laura’s grave. “She’s been here all along?”

“We transferred her down here when the Centurions took the ship.”

“Is she…” Bill paused, not knowing how to phrase his question. “Is she the same Laura?”

“You mean, is it like Boomer and Athena? No. Cavil didn’t have the resources to make an entire line. She’s like me, I guess you could say. There’s only one of her.”

Bill took a deep breath. “I don’t even know…”

Saul sat beside him. “Listen to me. I know this is a lot to take in.”

“You’re damned right it is!” Bill jumped up from the couch, pacing like a caged animal. He needed a drink. He needed to clench his fists around something and break it into a million pieces. His eyes fell on a small table one of the workers had constructed from the wood leftover after building the cabin. The photo of he and Laura that had hung on his wall on Galactica now sat on the tiny table. He picked up the table, heaving it across the room. It hit one of his bookshelves, causing a pile of books to fall to the floor.

“Bill, stop.” Saul tried to restrain him, to no avail.

“This whole cabin, Saul. This was for her. In her memory. Was I a fool?”

“No. You couldn’t have known.  _She_  didn’t know.”

Bill half-sat, half-collapsed on the floor, his chest heaving. “You’ve talked to her?”

Saul nodded slowly.

“Is she…okay?”

“Not really. I don’t think she knows quite how to deal with it all.”

“She really didn’t want me to know?”

“She was pissed when she found out _I_  knew.”

“Yes, but…it’s me, Saul. It’s different.”

“I think that makes it worse.”

“I need to see her.”

Saul shook his head. “Oh no. She’s going to kill me when she finds out I told you.” He knelt on the floor next to Bill. “You need to let her do this on her own time.”

“I’m not sure I can.”

“Alright. So what will you say to her when you see her?”

Bill shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“Well you’d better get an idea. You need to be strong and straight in your head before you can think about seeing her. She needs that.”

“You’d know, right?”

“In a way. But I didn’t die. I didn’t have to find out what I was by waking up in one of those tubs surrounded by Cylons.”

Bill winced. “She’s living her worst nightmare.”

 *****

Laura was sitting on the sofa, trying to occupy herself by reading an old book she’d found below deck when Saul walked in.

“Laura?”

She looked up in surprise. “Saul. I didn’t expect you today.”

“Ah, yeah. I was in the neighborhood.”

“Do you…want to sit down?” She gestured to the small chair opposite the sofa, placing the book down.

“Any good?” Saul nodded at the book.

“Not really. Well, maybe. I’m finding it hard to focus these days.”

“Understandable.”

Saul had a tendency to fidget and look around erratically when he had a problem. Laura watched his knees bounce together, an uneasy feeling coming over her. “Is something wrong?”

“Well I guess that depends on how you look at it.”

“Saul,” she narrowed her eyes at him. “What’s going on?”

He thought it would be hard to say, but once he opened his mouth, the words tumbled out and he began to ramble. “Bill knows. It was an accident. He was getting suspicious and he followed me, and then he cornered me and asked me what was going on, and it just came out-“

Laura sit as still as a statue, barely blinking as she listened. She felt hollow, empty. Bill  _knew_. He knew, and nothing would ever be the same again. She was remarkably calm; her voice steady when she spoke and stopped his rambling. “Get out.”

“Laura, I’m-“

“I said, get out.” She rose slowly from the chair, heading for the tiny bathroom.  There was a door there. With a lock. She’d be able to shut all of this out if she could just get there before her knees gave out. Saul grabbed her arm as she passed him.

“You don’t have to hide anymore, Laura. He wants to see you.”

Her eyes blazed with anger. “No he doesn’t. He wants to see  _his_  Laura. The one who was dying. The one who wore a wig and truly believed for a time in those damned prophecies. Not  _this_ ,” she gestured in disgust at herself. “His Laura wasn’t younger and full of energy, without a wrinkle on her face. Look at me, Saul. I barely recognize myself.”

“He won’t care what you look like, you know that.”

“That’s the outside. I’m different on the inside, too. I’m not the person he fell in love with.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because that person didn’t even know what she was! My entire life was a fraud, Saul. I was built for the sole purpose of boosting a Cylon’s ego. No more, no less.”

“And look what you did with that life. These people have you to thank for life on this planet, lady. It’s not what you were. It’s who you were that matters.”

“I can’t do it, Saul,” she whispered. “I don’t want him to see me like this.”

“So that’s it? You’re just going to give up? One more shot at life, and you’re gonna waste away in here? I’m not gonna help you there. Find someone else to bring you food and keep you company.” He let go of her arm and walked out.

Laura watched him go, momentarily stunned. His loyalty was to Bill, as it should be. And the more she stayed here, the more he hurt. “Saul!” she called, running through the curtain after him.

He was about to descend to the lower deck when she caught up with him. He looked up at her curiously. “Change your mind?”

“No.” Laura took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. “I just need time. I don’t know how to deal with all of this, and I’m not sure I can handle *him* dealing with all of it, too.”

“He already is,” Saul pointed out.

She bit her lip. “Just a little more time. Please Saul. You owe me that.”

“I don’t owe you a godsdamned thing.”

“Fine.” She turned to retreat back to her quarters.

“Laura,” Saul called after her, stopping her at the curtain. “Anything else you want me to tell Bill?”

She closed her eyes. There was so much to tell him. But not like this. Not now. Maybe one day. She shook her head, stepping through the curtain and pulling it closed behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

There were parts of Laura that wanted to run straight to Bill, circumstances and consequences be damned. Like in the books he’d read to her, they’d figure it out together. Everything would be all right, he’d love her for what she’d become, and she’d learn to love herself again. But life wasn’t like it was in books. There were no neat and tidy endings, no happy beginnings. Only the bittersweet, the melancholy, the terrible irony that now defined her existence. But maybe, just maybe, if she could see him without him seeing her, that would make the ache inside stop. Just for a little while. Long enough to start thinking rationally.  
 

*****

Bill ran his hand over one of the smooth stones on Laura’s grave. How many hours had he sat here, talking to her, reading to her? On occasion, he even indulged himself in the notion that she could hear him from wherever she was. But now he knew just how foolish he’d been. There was no afterlife, at least not for Laura. Not in the sense she’d imagined it.

He felt anger, but he didn’t know where to direct it. Saul was first, because he was the closest, as well as the messenger. But that was unfair, and Bill knew it. Cavil, for sure, although that wouldn’t do anyone much good. He could direct it inward, at himself for being the fool, and he had done so. But that didn’t feel right either. And then there was Laura. There were flashes of anger when he thought of how she’d locked herself away in her proverbial tower, letting him go on mourning her. But in truth, what he was feeling now was nothing compared to what she must be going through. What was she thinking at this very moment?

Bill glanced in the direction of the ships. It was impossible to imagine Laura alive in one of them. He ached to see her, hear her voice. But a small part of him was afraid of what that moment would really be like. It could never be like it was between them.  He had a nagging feeling that the Laura Roslin he knew really was dead and buried.   
 

*****

A hooded cape and a bar of soap came in handy when scouting for information without being recognized, Laura mused. It was dark, but still early enough for the settlement to be alive with activity. She approached a young man cooking on a small stove in front of one of the tents on the outskirts, careful to disguise her voice when she spoke. She assumed most people would know where to find the former Admiral, and she was right. The young man narrowed his eyes at her, but as soon as she offered up the soap, he’d pointed to a ridge not far to the east and told her where to find the path. She nodded her thanks, and left before he could ask her any questions.

Laura had plenty of time to wonder why Bill wasn’t living with the people as she walked the path. Was there another, smaller settlement up the hill? Surely he wouldn’t be alone up here, she thought. The tiny flashlight she’d taken from Saul’s jacket had started to give out, and Laura gave it a shake to get it going again. She’d be definitely screwed without a source of light up here.

Light. Just as she was pondering her own source of it, she saw some filtered through the trees. Laura quickly ducked by a bush and looked through the branches. It was candlelight, of that she was sure. Coming through windows. Windows on what looked like a cabin. Her mouth opened in shock as she realized what it was. Her cabin. Without even seeing him, she knew this was where Bill lived. What should have been theirs was now simply his.

She quickly turned off the flashlight and scurried closer, keeping to the shadows for safety. Just one glimpse of him, and she could go. No one would ever know. The windows were just high enough that Laura had to stand in order to see inside. She leaned against a tree and looked through the glass. The first thing she saw was the bookshelf. All their books, lined up neatly in colorful rows. Her heart beat faster at the thought of running her hand along the spines. She could make out a stove of some sort, but no Bill. She quickly scanned the area around her. It wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility for him to be outside, perhaps gathering wood. But no, all seemed quiet. And then, movement through the glass. Laura couldn’t help but gasp as Bill appeared in the window, his back to her. He was doing something on the stove. ‘Turn around,’ she thought. Just his face. Once she saw his face, she could go. But she could tell just from looking at the back of him that something had changed in the man she loved. His shoulders slumped. His back rounded where it used to stand tall. There was a profound sadness in him. Laura bit her lip. She knew why.

And then, he turned around. He carried a small cup of steaming liquid closer to the window. She didn’t think it was possible, but Bill had seemed to age considerably since she’d seen him last. As if everything they’d been through since the destruction of the Colonies had finally caught up with him. And before she could even register what her body was doing, she found herself walking to the cabin.   
 

*****

Bill sipped the hot liquid and grimaced. ‘Tea’ it was not. He’d been skeptical of the bag of dried leaves, but Saul said many of the people had taken to it, so he’d given it a shot. Perhaps with some ambrosia the taste could be improved. If only he’d had some.

A slight breeze entered the cabin, and Bill shivered. He’d left the cabin door open mostly out of new habit, but the nights were getting colder, and it was time to batten down the hatches. As he turned to the door, he didn’t register the figure standing there. The light from the candles wasn’t that great, and his eyesight certainly wasn’t what it used to be. But it wasn’t his vision that was the problem. The figure reminded him of Laura, and his mind, still not accepting Saul’s information, had dismissed it as a figment of his imagination. But then the figure moved. Raised its hand to its head and pulled away the dark hood hiding its identity. Red hair tumbled out of the hood, and Bill found himself in a state of complete shock.

Laura.

There was a moment when his heart actually stopped. Literally skipped a beat. He was completely frozen, waiting for his body to start up again. And then he felt it beat once more, and his knees buckled. He grabbed the first surface his hand could find, which happened to be the stove. He cursed as his flesh struck the hot surface, and Laura ran to him on instinct, reaching for his injured hand. He stepped back to avoid her touch, getting his first good look at this ‘Laura’. She wasn’t like the Laura he knew. She was younger. The lines on her face that he loved were gone; her once pale skin now had a healthy glow. Her hair was back, longer and more vibrant than he’d ever seen. But her hands – they were the most striking difference between his Laura and this one. Her hands were smooth, no wrinkles or age spots. He felt nausea deep inside his belly. Saul was wrong. Whatever this was, it was NOT his Laura.

The look on Bill’s face was enough to destroy her. He looked sickened by her. She was a fool to listen to Saul; to believe that he would accept her as was she was now. “I-I’m…” she backed away from him. “I shouldn’t have…” She turned and ran out of the cabin, down the steps and further down the hill; gaining speed as she went. She had no idea where she was going, but it was enough to get as far away as possible. The world was a blur around her as she moved, pushing her way through the dense forest. She felt the branches scratching at her skin and tearing at her clothing, but she did not stop. Even after tripping over something - perhaps a rock, although she hadn’t looked back to check – Laura picked herself up and kept on running until her lungs felt like they were on fire and blood dripped onto her eyelid. Slowing down, she wiped at her forehead, feeling the sticky wetness. She wasn’t even aware she’d hit her head when she tripped. She leaned against the large trunk of a tree to catch her breath.

Laura tried to close her eyes against the onslaught of images flooding her brain, but it was no use. The way Bill moved away from her, the way he looked at her as if she were a stranger. How could she have been so careless? She hadn’t even remembered deciding to enter the cabin. It just happened, as if her body was in charge, not her mind. But was her mind any more powerful than her body? Both were created by someone, mixed together in a lab like some freak experiment. Bill was right to be sickened by the sight of her. He was a good man, but everyone had their limits.   
 

*****

Bill wasn’t sure how long he’d stood there by the stove after Laura left. His long forgotten cup of tea had grown cold, and his burnt hand felt numb. Actually, there wasn’t a part of him that felt much of anything. All he could do was close his eyes and see Laura as she used to be, compared to what she’d become. Even her voice, what little he’d heard of it, sounded younger. It occurred to him that he should DO something. Yell, cry, scream, run after her, anything. But in that moment, all Bill Adama could do was realize that he’d experienced the death of his Laura not once, but twice.   
  



	8. Chapter 8

Saul found Bill sitting on his sofa the following morning, cabin door still wide open. The look on his friend’s face negated the question he came to ask, but he opened his mouth anyway.

“You okay Bill?”

Bill was slow to respond, taking a deep breath before answering. “She was here, Saul.”

Saul crossed the room and sat down next to him. “I’m guessing it didn’t go too well.”

“You were wrong, you know. Whatever that is, it isn’t Laura. Not the Laura we knew.”

“No, Bill. You’re the one who’s wrong.”

He turned to Saul and smiled sadly. “Have you taken a good look at her? She’s like some sanitized, air-brushed version of Laura. Gods, Saul. Even her voice sounds different.”

“I hope you didn’t say that to her.”

Bill shook his head. “I didn’t say anything to her. She just showed up at my door. I was barely aware of what was going on until it was over.”

“You’ve got a lot to process. I should’ve warned you that she looked different. But I never thought she’d take it upon herself to make an unannounced visit.”

“Yeah, well, she did.”

“Do you remember how I looked when you first met me? The conversation we had when I told you I was a Cylon? How I had aged over the years? It’s the same for Laura.”

“Frak, Saul. How young is she?”

“I have no idea. But we’ve got a bigger problem on our hands.”

“Like what?”

“Laura’s missing.”  
 

*****

Laura woke slowly, opening her eyes to darkness. It took a few moments for her to register that she was not on Colonial One. Her head was resting against the bark of a tree, and the ground beneath her was hard and unforgiving. She remembered running, and stopping to catch her breath. Surrounded by trees and brush, she realized she had no idea where she was. She’d definitely gone off the path after leaving the cabin.  She shifted, wincing at the pain in her stiff legs. Wherever she was, she was going to have to stay put until the sun came up. Saul’s tiny flashlight wouldn’t give near enough light to help find the path.

She arranged herself in the most comfortable position she could manage, and looked up at the stars.

_“Back on Colonial One I grew so tired of looking at the stars through that window. Now at night I go outside and stare… ”_

There was a whole new set of stars here, and a whole new set of circumstances for them as well. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop picturing the look on Bill’s face when he saw her. Never had he looked at her that way before, with such disdain. But how could she ask him to accept her as she was now if she struggled to do the same?  
 

*****

Bill told himself the only reason he was going along on the search for Laura was that Saul couldn’t manage on his own. Two men were better than one. To his credit, Saul didn’t question him on his motives. As he walked through the small forest, Bill pondered the real reason. Despite the negative feelings this Laura brought forth in him last night, he couldn’t bring himself to think about never seeing her again. He wasn’t sure what, if anything, he’d say to her if they found her, but he’d cross that bridge when he came to it. Saul had wondered aloud if she’d run off for good, and Bill stopped him in his tracks. Whatever this all was, he refused to believe last night was the only moment he’d have with her.   
 

*****

It had, actually, occurred to Laura to just keep running. What was the point of going back? So she could sit on Colonial One and spend all her time thinking and feeling? She was free to do as she wished, and in one short moment, all she wanted to do was keep going. Get as far away from people and ships as possible. But she couldn’t run from what she was. And Laura knew that even if she ran clear across the planet, she’d never really get away from Bill. So she stayed right where she was until the sun rose over the trees, and long after. The sun was high in the sky when Laura realized that she wasn’t even hungry. It might have been nearly a full day since she’d eaten, and yet her body did not call for food.  Without understanding it fully, she knew it was just how this body worked. And had she not been programmed to believe she was human, with human needs like sleep and food, her former body would have been the same. With that in mind, Laura sat against the tree, content to close her eyes and feel the sun on her face for the first time in years. She had no place to be, no one waiting for her. Laura smiled in spite of herself. If she could just ignore the circumstances that brought her here, she’d be able to bask in the freedom and peace she now found herself in.  
 

*****  
  
Saul cursed as he stumbled over the large root of a tree. He’d been wandering the area for some time now. He wasn’t even sure he’d find Laura. If she chose to set off on her own, she’d be long gone by now. But he pushed on. Not for Laura. No, if it weren’t for Bill, he’d be back at the settlement, throwing back some of that rotgut he’d grown so accustomed to in the past few days. Let Laura fend for herself. He knew she was more than capable. He also knew what her biggest problem was – she thought too much. You get a second chance at life; you grab it by the balls and go for it. But no. She had to sit on her ship and  _think_  about it.

And just as he’d decided to sit down and take a load off, he saw her. Curled up against a tree, eyes closed to the sun beating on her face. He frowned. Godsdamned women were always more trouble than they were worth. Except for Ellen. Well, perhaps not.

“Laura.”

She jumped at the sound of his voice cutting through the quiet forest. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw him standing there. “What are you doing here?”

“I should ask you the same thing.”

“I…Well, I lost sight of the path, and decided to wait for sunrise.”

“And now it’s past noon.”

“Oh. Well, it’s nice here,” she offered halfheartedly.

Even if Saul hadn’t spoken to Bill, he’d have known just by looking at Laura that last night wasn’t a picture perfect reunion. Her arms and legs were covered in scratches, her skirt torn. A small smile spread across her tear-stained face as he spoke. “We should get you home.”

“I don’t think I have one of those.”

“Well, we’ll find you one.” He held his hand out to her and helped her to her feet. “You know what your problem is?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “No, what?”

“You think too much. Just live, Laura. That’s all you need to do.”

Laura shook her head and offered up a full smile. “I had no idea you could be so wise.”

“Yeah, well, don’t tell anyone.”

He had almost gotten a laugh out of her before Bill showed up.  
 

*****  
  
Saul’s first reaction when he saw Bill was to let go of Laura’s hand. Not that anyone would ever think there could be anything between himself and Laura, but she belonged to Bill whether either of them knew it or not. And he knew how angry it made him whenever another man touched Ellen.

As Saul dropped her hand, Laura followed his gaze over her shoulder. She felt so many things at once when she saw Bill standing there; she had to close her eyes against the onslaught. Shame and longing mixed together with fear and love, making her head spin. She had no idea how to react, until she remembered Saul’s surprisingly helpful words – ‘Just live.’

“Hi.” Had she allowed herself the luxury of thinking, she might have come up with something better.

Bill found himself dumbstruck for the second time in a day. Laura by sunlight was much different than Laura by candlelight. He’d never forgotten how her hair looked on New Caprica. How the sun’s rays made it look as if it were aflame. And now he didn’t have to remember. His eyes widened in an effort to take as much of her in as possible. All the differences he noted last night were still present, but in the light of day, he was able to see what he’d missed. The way she held herself, that look in her eyes he knew so well. This  _was_  Laura. Her spoken greeting snapped him out of his haze and he nodded at her. “Everyone okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

He took in the scratches on her arms and the state of her clothes, which signaled that all hadn’t been okay, but decided not to mention it. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He looked at Saul for rescue.

“Well, like I said, we should be getting back.”

Laura turned to face Saul, as if she’d forgotten he was even there. “Where am I going? I’m not exactly ready to march into the camp.”

Saul sighed. She was right. There was no way they could get her back to Colonial One, or anywhere near the settlement, until after sunset. This time, he was the one looking to Bill for rescue. It didn’t take long for the former Admiral to offer up their only option.

“You’ll have to stay at the cabin then.”


	9. Chapter 9

The walk back to the cabin was a quiet one. They walked single file, with Saul in the lead and Bill behind Laura. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. The way she moved, the way her hair ran loose and wild as she walked. From this vantage point, she almost looked as he’d remembered.

Laura could feel Bill’s eyes on her all the way back to the cabin. It gave her an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach to wonder what he was thinking.  That feeling grew worse when they reached the cabin. Although part of her was curious, she wasn’t sure she was ready to go inside. She had no choice in the matter however, so she climbed the stairs and followed Saul through the door.

She hadn’t seen much of it last night, but what she had looked much different in the light of day. It was beautiful. She couldn’t have pictured anything more perfect, despite all her dreams about it. Much of Bill’s furniture dominated the room, but Laura spied some of her books mixed in with his, along with a few photographs scattered around. Bill cleared his throat behind her. She quickly moved aside, realizing she was blocking his entry.

“You can come further in than that.” He didn’t spare her a glance as he crossed to the stove, tossing in a few pieces of wood and lighting it.

She felt awkward standing there, and yet, what was she to do? Peruse the bookshelves? Books were such an intimate thing between them. The couch was a decent option, but that was clear on the other side of the room. She settled for leaning against his desk, watching as he put water on the stove.

“Bill, is there anything you need from camp?” Again, Laura had nearly forgotten Saul was there.

“No. I think I’m pretty good up here. You want some of that tea you tried to pass off on me the other day?”

“No. I need to get back. Ellen’s probably got a search party out for  _me_  now.”

Both Bill and Laura looked at him. Neither could believe he was going to leave them here. Alone. Saul wasn’t exactly a great conversationalist, but the next several hours were going to be impossible without a third party to help break the tension.

Bill didn’t say a word in reply, simply glared at his friend. Saul nodded in Laura’s direction. “I’ll come back after nightfall, walk you back down the hill.”

It didn’t occur to Laura to ask where he would take her once they got down the hill – back to Colonial One perhaps – but it was enough that he would return soon. “Thanks,” she answered quietly.

They both watched Saul leave, unsure of what to do or say in his absence. Bill broke the uneasy silence quickly. “You want some tea?”

“Uh, sure. Okay.”

“I’ll warn you. It’s not very good.”

“That’s okay.” She watched him pour hot water from the stove into a mug she recognized from Galactica, then grab one of the makeshift tea bags and drop it in the steaming liquid.

“It’s hot,” he cautioned as he handed it to her.

She wrapped her hands around the warm mug. “Thank you.”

Bill returned to the stove, taking a larger pot of water off the hot surface and pouring it into a bowl. Without turning around, he asked, “You gonna drink that standing up, or do you want to have a seat on the couch?”

Laura nodded in reply before realizing he couldn’t see her. Crossing the room, she sat in what had become known over the years as ‘her’ spot on the couch. If Bill noticed, she couldn’t tell as he walked over to her with the bowl of warm water and a cloth.

“Thought you might want to clean up. Those scratches don’t look too bad, but better to be safe than sorry.”

“Oh. Thank you.” She sat the mug down next to the bowl and picked up the cloth, dipping it in the warm water. Bill disappeared into what she assumed was a bedroom while she cleaned up, returning just as she had finished.

“Better?”

“Yes. Thanks. Can I clean that up for you?”

Bill took the bowl of now dirty water with a shake of his head. “Just have to dump it outside.”

She watched him as he performed the task, wondering why this was so hard. Sipping her tea, she wondered if it would ever become easier for them. She put the mug down beside her and rested her head on the back of the couch, closing her eyes.

“Tired?”

“No…well, maybe. I’m not sure.” She opened her eyes to look at him, standing above her with a questioning look. “It’s hard to explain.” And it was. She didn’t feel sleepy, rather she felt as if her body needed a recharge.

He bent down and picked up the empty mug. “Well, the bed is back there if you want to lie down.”

He’d offered her an easy way out.  She could retreat to the bedroom, shut the door, and the next several hours would be as easy as possible. But was that what she wanted? And what did  _he_  want?

Bill took her silence as a rejection of the offer. “Are you hungry, or are you not sure of that, either?”

Laura looked at him, unsure of how to reply. His tone wasn’t argumentative, but it wasn’t understanding, either. She took a deep breath and reminded herself of how hard this must be for him. “Maybe I should eat something,” she offered.

Bill nodded and grabbed a container of jerky from the tiny kitchen area. “I’m not sure what kind of meat it is. I usually only get fresh meat if I go down to camp.”

She took the container from him and opened it, pulling out a strip of dried meat. As soon as she put it in her mouth, her appetite appeared seemingly out of nowhere. She was on her third or fourth piece when she realized that Bill was watching her. She grew self-conscious, and wondered what went through his mind when he looked at her. If last night was any indication, it probably wasn’t very positive. She inwardly cursed Saul when his words came into her head again. Just live. In this case, direct was the best route. “You’re staring at me.”

Bill snapped his head down so fast he looked like a scolded child. “I’m sorry.”

She prayed to whatever Gods she was supposed to believe in for strength. “I didn’t ask you to stop.”

He looked at her in surprise. “It’s just…”

“Different.” She interjected with a knowing nod. “I know. I’m sure if I had a mirror I’d stare at me, too.”

Bill sat down next to her and looked into her eyes. He was so close to her she could feel his warmth. His gaze seemed to penetrate into her very soul. As hard as she tried, she could not stop her body from trembling.

“Is it really you in there?” he whispered.

She smiled at him, eyes shining with unshed tears. “Yes.”

A flash of something that looked like affection came over his face, and before Laura could even wonder what he would say next, they heard a noise outside.

Laura started to panic as Bill jumped up from the couch and ran over to the window. “It’s Lee,” he informed her.

“What should I do?” She didn’t like the sound of her voice, high and shaky.

“Go in the bedroom and shut the door. Stay away from the windows.”

She did as he instructed, slamming the door behind her and sitting with her back to it. Her heart was pounding as she heard Bill greet his son. Their voices were too soft for her to hear what they were saying, but she hoped it wouldn’t be a long visit. She focused on calming herself, taking deep breaths and willing her body to stop shaking. Laura knew it wasn’t simply Lee she feared finding out about her. Rather, the more people who knew, the faster word would spread that the former President of the Twelve Colonies was a Cylon. And that was not something she was prepared to deal with.

She pulled her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees. She had no idea how long she sat like that, listening to muffled voices in the next room. Before long, she heard a soft knock on the door. “You can come out now, if you want.”

Laura stood slowly and smoothed her skirt down, realizing for the first time how torn it really was. She reached for the latch on the door and hesitated. “Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

She opened the door and saw Bill, sitting back on the couch. “Thank you.”

“I’m not expecting any more unannounced visitors. Lee and Saul are the only people who come up here.”

She sat down on the couch. “Did he suspect anything?”

“No. I told him I was meeting Saul later and was just headed for a nap.”

“I’m sorry you had to make him leave on my account.”

Bill shook his head. “Don’t apologize. Lee tends to come up here and monitor me, make sure I’m alright. Nice gesture, but sometimes I’m not in the mood.”

“I understand.” She wanted to ask him how he was, but it seemed like an asinine question. She wasn’t sure she wanted to discuss herself or anything remotely pertaining to their situation, but it seemed odd not to.  How long could they put off that conversation?

“Your skirt is torn.”

She followed Bill’s gaze to the fabric falling around her legs. “Yeah, I just noticed that.”

“Well, I might be able to help. Come with me.” Laura followed him into the bedroom, and watched as he pulled a box out from behind the bed. He opened it, pulling some of her old clothes out and tossing them on the bed. “Everything’s here, except for…” He stopped abruptly, and Laura knew what he meant to say -  _except for the outfit you died in._

She needed to fill the silence quickly. “Thank you. I’ll try and find something.”

“Try?”

Again, Bill looked confused. “Oh. I’m…I wear a different size…now.”

“Oh. Okay. Well I’ll leave you to it then.”

Laura listened as the door closed behind him, remembering a time not so long ago when undressing in front of each other was just another thing they did, another reminder of their familiarity with one another. Now it seemed like they were complete strangers.

Every item of clothing in the box held memories of the life she had before, and each was more painful than the last. Her eyes fell on a pair of black pants that she’d worn many times in the last few months of her illness.  They didn’t look as professional as the suits she’d usually worn, but she had been losing weight fast and they made her look as put-together as possible. Slipping out of the torn skirt, she pulled the pants on, relieved to find that they fit. Bill had found them for her, somewhere in the fleet. He’d seen her struggle with her baggy clothes each morning, and one evening she’d come back to their quarters to find them folded neatly on the table. She’d never asked him about it, just kissed him softly on the cheek in gratitude.

Laura packed the rest of the clothes back in the box, realizing how ridiculous this all was. She was, for all intents and purposes, back from the dead, and all they could manage was small talk? One of them was eventually going to have to push the subject, and it was best to start as soon as possible. She opened the bedroom door, determined to try and get him to talk to her.

She stopped short when she realized that he wasn’t in the main room. The front door was open, which struck her as odd. He wouldn’t just leave the door wide open with her in there, would he? She approached the doorway slowly, looking outside. Nothing. She called his name softly, but received no response. And then she saw it. She wasn’t sure how she’d missed it. A pile of stones with two branches as a marker. She didn’t want to, but Laura found herself walking toward her grave. She knelt next to it, and reached out with a shaky hand to touch one of the stones. She felt a strange sensation come over her, as if her brain physically shifted from the surreal nature of it all. Her body was here. The one that carried her to Galactica, made love to Bill, and ultimately betrayed her was buried here, decomposing more and more each day. She randomly wondered if Bill had buried her with her wig and glasses. The thought of him having to bury her broke her heart all over again. Wiping away tears, she noticed the wilted flowers he’d placed at the head of the grave. “Oh Bill,” she whispered.

“You shouldn’t be out here.” Bill’s voice made her jump, and she quickly got to her feet.

“I’m…I just…” She didn’t like the way he was looking at her. Like she’d crossed a line. Like the grave was his territory and he was protecting it from an intruder.

“Go inside. I’ll be up in a minute.”

Laura watched Bill walk away without sparing her another glance. Was he ever going to be able to look at her and see the woman he’d loved? She walked quickly to the cabin, heading inside and shutting the door behind her. Her eyes landed on one of the bookcases, her body drawn to the volumes it held. Books were always her comfort, sure and solid in her hands. She grabbed one - a familiar one – and opened to the first page. She could hear Bill’s voice in her head as she read -  _It started like it always did. With a body. This one was in the river, and I could tell she had once been beautiful..._ The more she read, the more calm she became.  
  
*****

Bill cursed as he gathered a small pile of logs together. What was she thinking, leaving the cabin in broad daylight? He’d told her no one came up here, but one could never be sure. What if she’d been seen?  He wasn’t able to process the idea of her finding her grave – that was too much for his mind to take. He couldn’t begin to imagine what it must’ve been like for her.

While his mind was beginning to accept her, his heart was another matter. He wanted to, so very much, but there was something stopping him. Whether it was his fear or her almost distant behavior, he wasn’t sure. Was that something she even wanted?

“Son of a bitch.” Bill realized he’d forgotten the log carrier at the cabin. Deciding it was worth it, he headed back up to retrieve it.  Upon entering the dwelling, he saw Laura at the bookshelf. She didn’t react to his entry, her focus intent on the book in her hands. Bill’s mind flashed to the many memories he had of finding Laura standing in the same manner in his quarters on Galactica, happy to have the escape the words before her provided. Once, he’d asked why she didn’t bother to sit down, preferring to lean against the bookcase. More often than not, she’d explained then, her duties would call her away sooner than she’d liked. So she stood, giving herself as much of an escape as their lives allowed.

Looking at her now, the way her body leaned into the book case, the way her head tilted to the side as she read, he felt whatever was stopping him fall away. His heart could finally see his Laura alive and well in front of him. Walking toward her, he quickly bridged the distance between them. Laura looked up as he approached, surprise in her eyes.  Before she could react, he reached for her, pulling her into his arms and holding her as tightly as he dared.

Laura gasped, confusion reigning for a split second. And then his lips found her ear. “I'll never be free of her, nor do I wanna be, for she is what I am. All that is, should always be." She could only respond with a choked sob, wrapping her arms around him. Closing her eyes, she no longer saw Bill as he looked last night. She saw the way he looked at her a moment ago, nothing but love in his eyes.  He was holding her so tightly she could barely breathe.  Her arms moved up and down his back when she felt him begin to tremble.  His tears, hot against her cheek, had her whispering reassurances to him that she was real and whole. Laura had no idea what had triggered this change in him, but instinct told her to follow his lead.

Bill was saying something, but Laura couldn’t understand. She pulled away from him slightly, careful not to break their embrace. She lifted his head from her shoulder, taken aback by the expression on his face. She rarely – if ever – saw Bill ruled completely by his emotions. She knew he felt everything deeply, but preferred to keep that side of himself rather close to his vest. But he stood before her now, face wet with tears, lips shaking ever so slightly as he spoke her name over and over.

“Laura… Laura… Laura…”

Her own tears began to fall when she smiled at him. “Yes. I’m right here.”


	10. Chapter 10

_“Laura… Laura… Laura…”_

_Her own tears began to fall when she smiled at him. “Yes. I’m right here.”_  
  
They stood that way, embracing, for what felt like an eternity. For the first time since she’d been reborn, Laura banished all thoughts of who and what she was. What mattered in this moment was how Bill saw her – as the woman he loved. 

He brushed his lips against her forehead. “Maybe we oughta move this to the couch.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, smiling. “We should shut the door, too.”

Bill turned and looked at the open door. “My fault. I was…overcome.”

Laura bit her lip in an attempt to hold back a laugh. “I’ll get the door.”

Bill headed over to the couch, watching Laura close the cabin door and return to his side. He sat in the corner of the couch, leaning against the arm and putting his feet up.

“Shoes on the couch?”

He looked down at his dusty boots and shrugged. “Frak it.” Patting his chest, he added, “Come here.”

Laura began to feel the awkwardness seep in again as she got on the couch, arranging herself between his side and the cushions. Lowering her head on his chest, she closed her eyes and tried to will the feeling away.

Bill felt the change in her instantly. Her body was rigid, her breathing shallow. “We don’t have to do this, you know.”

“No, I want to. I just feel…I don’t know what I feel.” She sighed in frustration. “What do  _you_  feel?”

They never really talked about feelings. Before, they didn’t have the luxury. But this was not something they could do with quips and long silences. Bill knew he had to be honest, yet delicate. For all of her strength, she felt like a wounded bird in his arms. “I don’t know, Laura. Can you look at me?”  He nudged her chin and she reluctantly raised her head. “I see you. Where I didn’t see you before. The only thing I know right now is that you are Laura, and I love you just as I always have.”

“Just like that?” She whispered.

“Yes.” The way he looked at her, the tone of his voice left no doubt in her mind.

She suddenly thought of Saul, remembering that this was not the first time Bill had experienced someone close to him not being what he thought they were. “Getting to be an old pro at this, huh?”

He knew immediately that she referred to Saul, and was quick to correct her. “No. I wasn’t in love with Saul, and I didn’t have to bury him.”

There were so many things she could have said, but Laura just rested her head back on his chest.

“Going through that makes you a lot more accepting of certain things,” he continued. “Am I confused? Yes, but not about how I feel about you.”

“What if I’m not the same person?”

Bill sighed into her hair. “I think you are. Underneath everything. You just need time.”

“And you’ll give me that time?”

“Laura, all I’ve ever wanted to give you was time.” He kissed the top of her head, his hand stroking her hair. After a time, Bill felt her relax little by little, eventually falling into a light slumber.

Bill could tell that she wasn’t comfortable being scrutinized, so he took advantage of her unconscious state. He started with her hand, curled slightly on his chest. The skin soft and porcelain. Her face, relaxed in sleep, had only a slight hint of the lines and wrinkles he’d grown to love. Her hair, long and soft under his hand. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it. Most of all, the way her body rose and fell softly as she breathed.  Bill placed his hand on her back, delighting in the sensation. It was all so different, yet so Laura. Despite Saul’s explanation of the facts surrounding her resurrection, there were still many unanswered questions. It wasn’t going to be an easy road, but he loved her. And for the moment, that was enough.   
 

*****

Laura woke slowly, her eyes adjusting to the darkness in the room. She looked up at Bill, who was wide awake.

“I fell asleep on you.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. “

“S’okay.”

“Saul’ll be coming soon. We should get up.”

“Yeah.”

Bill’s hold on her did not lessen, however. Finding his hand in the dark, she gave it a squeeze before sitting up. “Where do you keep the candles?”

He got up with a groan. “I’ll get them.” Grabbing a couple of candles from his desk, he lit them and placed one by the stove and another on a small table by the couch. He watched Laura fiddle with her boots, the candlelight dancing over her face. “Is he taking you back to Colonial One?”

Laura shrugged. “I’m certainly not moving in with him and Ellen.”

The thought of her leaving gripped him with a fear that was almost unbearable. He felt as if he’d never see her again if he let her out of his sight. “You can stay here, if you’d like.”

“Afraid I’ll run off again?” As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she’d made a mistake.

His face darkened, and he paused before replying. “This is your cabin, Laura. It was built for you. You should enjoy it. I can sleep on the couch or…” He drifted off, not wanting to offer to leave unless it was necessary.

“I’d like that.” She offered him an apologetic smile.

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door. “Bill, it’s me.”

“Come on in, Saul.”

Saul entered cautiously, as if he was afraid of what he might find. Laura smiled at him in greeting.

He nodded at her. “Laura. So, how we doing here?”

“We’re fine, Saul,” said Bill. “Can I offer you anything?”

“Depends on the lady.” He turned to Laura. “You in a hurry to leave?”

Laura looked at Bill. “Um, actually, I’m going to stay here tonight.”

“Oh.” Saul’s one good eye nearly shot out of his head. “That’s good.” To Bill, he asked, “You got any of that Panther Piss left?”

Bill winced. “Mostly all of it. I can’t stomach it.”

Saul patted him on the back. “Getting soft in your old age.”

Laura looked at them curiously. “Dare I ask?”

“Alcohol. Can I interest you in a glass?” Saul asked.

“No.”

Laura’s eyes shot up at Bill’s reply. “I do believe the former Colonel was asking  _me_.”

“You don’t want that, trust me.”

She ignored him, and took the glass Saul had just poured for himself.

“It ain’t that scotch whisky from Aerilon,” Saul warned.

She nodded, and tipped her head back, taking a long gulp. Immediately, she felt warmth traveling through her body. A warmth which quickly became a fire in her stomach. Her eyes began to water. “Oh my Gods,” she choked.

Bill shook his head. “I warned you.”

“Not...helping,” she coughed.

Saul took a swig from the bottle. “Best thing to do is just ride it out.”

Laura handed the glass back to Saul. “If you gentlemen will excuse me, I think I’ll be retiring for the evening.”

“One shot really packs a wallop,” Saul smirked.

She nodded. “Good night, boys.”

Bill watched her leave the room, her abrupt exit a complete mystery.  _Time_ , he thought to himself.  _She just needs time_.

Laura entered the bedroom and shut the door behind her. In truth, she wasn’t really tired. But the atmosphere had changed somewhat when Saul arrived, like a spell had been broken. And she thought it might be good for Bill to spend some time with him while she gathered her own thoughts.

After changing into the nightgown she’d found in the box of her belongings, Laura got into bed. The muffled sounds of familiar voices beyond the door lulled her to sleep quickly, before she’d even begun to process the day’s events.  
 

*****

_Warmth. Laura felt like she was floating on a cloud. As content as a baby in its mother’s womb. She could feel her limbs, weightless, swaying in the current. But something was pushing, prodding her upward. She tried to resist, but her body rose until it broke through the warmth, cold hitting her skin like ice. She opened her eyes and gasped for air._

Laura woke with a start, suppressing a moment of panic at the darkness that engulfed her. Her fists gripped the blanket as she reminded herself where she was.  _Resurrection is over_ , she comforted herself.  _Never again_. As her eyes adjusted, Laura realized just how dark a planet could get. Worse than space even, without the tiny little lights that seemed to accompany all technology. There were no alarm clocks or glowing monitors here, no reflective light strips on the floor like on Colonial One. And it was so quiet. No soft hum of air scrubbers or muffled voices behind a thin curtain. A gentle knock on the door made her jump.

“Laura? You okay in there?”

“Yeah.” Her tone was uncertain, and she knew upon hearing it that Bill wouldn’t go back to bed. Sure enough, the door cracked open slowly.

“Can I get you anything?” He made no effort to enter the room.

“You can come in.”

“It’s dark in here. You want a candle?”

She nodded and then realized he probably couldn’t see her. “Yes, please.”

He returned quickly, the glow from the candle instantly making her feel better. He set it down on the table beside the bed. She looked at him, standing before her like a servant waiting to be dismissed.

“This isn’t working.”

“What?” he looked at her curiously.

“You belong in here, with me.” She patted the space beside her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He padded over to the opposite side of the bed, taking off his robe and sliding under the covers. Laura lay back down, facing away from him. When he made no effort to curl up behind her, she extended her hand to him. He came willingly, and she smiled.

“Wait a minute.” She felt his hand in her hair, gathering the mass and placing it high on the pillow. “That’s better.”

As he curled his body around hers, nuzzling her neck, Laura realized that they’d never simply  _slept_ together before she became ill. Bill was used to snuggling up to her only as she was dying, all skin and bones with not a strand of hair on her head. The thought broke her heart, and as she drifted off to sleep, reminded her that not every aspect of her life now was a negative one.   
 

*****

Bill woke first, squinting at the sunlight streaming through the windows. Laura hadn’t moved in sleep, her breathing deep and even. He kissed her neck softly, careful not to wake her. A happiness he hadn’t felt in a very long time spread through him. She was here, warm and safe in his bed. There was no threat of illness or death hanging over them.

His kiss woke her, but she kept her eyes closed, content in her half-sleep state. She hummed with amusement when Bill rubbed his nose against the nape of her neck.

“That tickles.”

“You smell the same.” His voice was huskier in the morning, just as she remembered.

“Do I need a bath?”

He smiled against her skin. “No. We do have a bathtub though.”

“We do?”

Bill chuckled, easing away from her and guiding her onto her back. “I thought you might appreciate that.”

She looked at him, staring down at her in something akin to wonder. “Will you ever stop looking at me that way?”

“How am I looking at you?”

“Like I’m some sort of miracle.”

“Aren’t you?”

“No. Engineered and built by a mad skin job. Nothing inexplicable here.”

“To me, you are a miracle. You always were.”

Laura narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re speaking like a character in one of your books.”

“Our books,” he corrected.

She slid her hand over his, resting on her belly. “I’m not going anywhere, you know.”

 “I’m trying to convince myself of that.”

She caressed his hand, slowly realizing that something was missing. “Where’s your ring?”

The color drained from his face. He opened his mouth and shook his head, searching for the words. “On your finger,” he finally whispered.

She very nearly laughed, thinking he was speaking metaphorically. And then she took in his tortured expression, the tears in his eyes. “Oh Bill,” she whispered, reaching for him and pulling him toward her. They paused for a moment before their lips touched, searching each other’s eyes for any signs of hesitation. But there were none, and their lips met for the first time in what felt like years. It wasn’t a kiss of passion, but one of reassurance.  _I’m here, you’re here_.

Laura hummed into Bill’s mouth as his tongue found hers.  _Laura._ The sound went straight to his groin, with a short detour through his heart.  _She’s in my blood like cheap wine, bitter and sweet._  He kissed her softly and slowly, delighting in the fact that despite the younger body, she tasted and felt exactly the same. He ached to touch her everywhere, but decided to let her take the lead.

She ran her hands through his hair, anchoring him to her. His kisses always made her feel completely lost; oblivious to everything around her. This, she was finding, was a very good thing. His hand crept ever so slowly from her waist to her ribcage. She could feel it tremble as it rested just short of where they both wanted it to be. Breaking the kiss, she guided his forehead to hers. Breathing each other in, Laura closed her eyes as his thumb slid back and forth on the fabric under her breast.

“You are so very beautiful.” He pulled back slightly, marveling at the way his hand moved with each breath she took.  Her breast, the one that had taken her away, was of particular fascination to him. It was no longer showing signs of disease. What was once deformed was now whole and seemingly healthy. But how does one know for sure?

She opened her eyes and followed his gaze. His face was filled with joy and wonder. She started to feel slightly uncomfortable as he stared at her breast, but a flash of worry across his face had her reaching for his hand and placing it on the soft mound. She guided his hand, squeezing it so he could feel the healthy tissue. “Nothing there,” she whispered.

Bill leaned in and kissed her breast tenderly, a single tear sliding from his cheek. 


	11. Chapter 11

Two weeks later

*****

He wanted her.

For fourteen days and nights, they’d barely left each other’s side. They read, they cooked, they slept. The sleeping was the most torturous of all. Laura’s body, warm and tight, pressed against his all night long. The slightest shift or sound she made during the night woke him in every way possible. She had to know the effect she had on him, but she never mentioned it, so he did his best to hide his body’s reaction to her. But Gods, some days it was near impossible, especially when she didn’t change out of her nightgown before breakfast. Despite her claim that her body was now slightly smaller than it was before, that damned gown still hugged her in all the right places. And it was worn from age, so if she stood in the light just so, he could see her curves through the thin white fabric.

Bill felt like a horny teenager. He’d never imagined having this problem in his sixties. And he had no way of taking care of it on his own, as privacy was at a minimum. And so he suffered. Although he had to admit, it was a wonderful problem to have.

Saul had brought Laura’s small bag of belongings from Colonial One, and Bill had to admit he enjoyed the new outfits she sported. He was so used to seeing her in suits; it was a welcome change to have her in flowing skirts and fitted tops. He refrained from commenting, however, after one compliment of a certain green dress got him an eye roll and a rather cutting remark. Today she wore a long white skirt and a lovely red top that bared her shoulders.  She stood at the stove, stirring broth in a pot. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her shoulder. She hummed happily in response.

“You know what I can’t wait to do?”

“What?” she sounded amused.

“Take you to the stream. Wait til you see it. There’s even a small waterfall.”

She turned quickly in his arms, the broth on the stove forgotten. “It’s near here?”

“Out back. Bout a five minute walk.”

“And you’re just telling me this now?”

“Well, I didn’t think you’d be too eager to wander around outside just yet.”

Laura nodded regretfully. “I  _do_  wish we could go outside.”

“We can. We just might be seen by someone.”

She frowned, glancing out the front window. “It’s such a beautiful planet, isn’t it?”

Since they’d been reunited, talk of what she was had been kept to a minimum. But Bill felt the moment was right to voice one of his concerns. “Are you really planning on staying inside this cabin forever?”

“I don’t know. Obviously not. I’m not ready to go…out there.” Her tone was defensive, her gaze still focused on the view outside the window.

“When do you think you will be?”

“Don’t push,” she warned, turning to face him again.

“I’m not. I’m being realistic. When will you  _ever_  be ready to face all those people and show them what you are? I’m not sure waiting until the idea becomes appealing is the best thing to do.”

She touched his cheek, willing the concern from his face. “I hear you. I do. I’m just not ready yet.”

He nodded, turning in to her touch and kissing her palm. “Now, what are you making there? Is it edible?”

Laura slapped him playfully, turning back to the stove. “Yes, it i _s_  edible. Would you like to take over?”

“No. I like it when you cook for me.”

She giggled, his arms still wrapped around her. Turning her head, she kissed his cheek. “Will you set the table dear?”   
 

*****

“Can you clean up? I want to change. Feels stuffy in here for long sleeves.”

Bill nodded, gathering the dishes from their lunch while Laura went into the bedroom to change. Living without refrigeration units and other methods of preserving foods often made eating a challenge. They could only cook what they would eat immediately. Until heartier produce grew ripe for picking, or they could venture down to camp to get their own supplies, their diets held little variety.

He had his mind on his grandmother’s Tauron chocolate cake long after he’d finished cleaning up, and had moved to the couch. One day, this planet would know gourmet cooking and baking. Sadly, not in his lifetime.

Sounds of movement in the bedroom caught his attention. She’d certainly been in there a long time. “Laura?” Moving to the closed bedroom door, he asked, “You changing your whole outfit?”

There was no response from the other side. Immediately, he started to panic, stopping himself from bursting into the room.  _She’s fine_ , he told himself. He knocked, silence again being the only response. He hesitated before opening the door, knowing that as close as they’d gotten again, she still valued privacy at certain times.

Bill entered the bedroom slowly. Laura was standing not far from the window, the afternoon sun illuminating her skin. She wore only a bra and her skirt. Completely oblivious to his presence, she studied her body, running her fingers along the tops of her breasts and studying the tight, flawless skin on her hands.

His voice was a whisper. “Laura?”

She jumped, eyes and mouth opening widely in surprise. “What are you doing?” She scrambled for the discarded red shirt on the bed, hugging it to her chest.

“I called. I knocked. You didn’t answer.”

“Oh.” She blinked at him, regaining her focus.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Of course. I just have to put this on, and I’ll be right out.”

“That’s the long sleeved shirt, Laura.”

She looked down at the garment in her hands, pressed tightly to her chest. “Right.”

Bill walked over to her cautiously, and she took two steps back.

“Laura, don’t.”

She shook her head, eyes filling with tears. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

He sighed, reaching out for the yellow short sleeved shirt she’d placed on the bed. “You wanna put this on?”

Off her nod, he pulled the shirt from her hands and helped her dress, never taking his eyes off her face.

She wiped a single tear from her cheek. “Thank you.”

He almost walked away, but something made him pause, signaling that this was the right moment to speak the words he’d been longing to. “You know, Laura, I’ll love you no matter how you look.”

“I know.”

“You’re the same Laura you always were.”

“No, I’m not.”

His eyes fell on the tiny beauty mark that lay just below her collarbone. “You see this?” he reached out ever so carefully and touched her on that tiny spot. “I remember that.”

“And this,” his hand moved to another small spot on her neck. “I used to kiss you there all the time.”

She began to breathe faster, her body trembling under his touch.

Bill slid his hand down her shoulder, her arm, stopping at her wrist. “Now this, I’d know anywhere.” Grasping her hand, he turned it over to expose the soft skin below her palm. The smallest of scars lay there, just above her pulse point. “You don’t know how you got it; you just know it’s always been there.” He leaned in and kissed the marked skin, making her gasp. “You’re still my Laura.”

A tension they had managed to ignore suddenly became unbearable. Laura threw her arms around his neck, kissing him with a passion he hadn’t felt from her since their first time. As the kiss grew more intense, her hands traveled down his arms, across his belly, and landed on his belt buckle. He felt her tug at it. Warning bells went off in his head, but there were too many emotions swirling through his mind. He ignored the thought that they were going way too fast, bringing his hands down to hers and helping with the buckle. She moaned into his mouth as they loosened his pants, four hands working furiously to get the garment out of the way.

His pants fell to his ankles, and he backed her toward the bed with small steps. He wasn’t sure if he pushed her onto the mattress or if it was her doing, but they were horizontal, and all hands were now working on her skirt. “Frak it,” she mumbled into his mouth, bunching the skirt up at her waist and pulling her panties off with shaking hands. It hadn’t taken two minutes, and he was already rock hard. The nagging thought that this was a bad idea still lingered in his mind, but she was warm and hot and willing and alive. So very alive.

Bill reached down between her legs with one hand to touch her, wanting to feel how wet she was. She pushed it away. “I’m ready,” she gasped, kissing him again.

He wanted to ask if she was sure, but her tongue was deep inside his mouth. He positioned himself between her legs and entered her in one quick stroke. He’d meant to go slowly, but his body had other ideas. She squealed into his mouth. He knew he’d hurt her; she wasn’t very wet at all. Mustering all his strength, he pulled away from her. Her legs had locked around his waist, enabling only his mouth to be free of her. “Laura, Laura, we need to…”

Her eyes were closed, her breathing heavy. Her whole body trembled against his. “Shhh. Don’t stop. Please.”

“I’m hurting you.  I can’t…”

She opened her eyes, revealing the most tortured eyes he’d ever seen. “Please. I need this. Don’t push me away.”

“Gods, Laura. I’m not. I want you so much-“

She bucked up against him. “Then take me.”

She tucked his head in the curve of her neck, whispering words of encouragement into his ear. Bill cursed his body for responding to her repeated thrusts, inwardly wishing he was a better man who could take no physical pleasure from the act if she couldn’t. But she held him so tightly, arms and legs and pussy holding him tight, her lips on his ear telling him that she loved him, reassuring him that she was real, and he was lost.

“Come for me…that’s it…”

He’d restrained himself enough to let her body control their joining, but feeling the beating pulse in her neck under his lips made him snap. He began to thrust into her with a frenzy he would later regret. He rose up on his elbows for leverage, hips snapping against hers without mercy. He would later recall a flash of  _s_ _omething_  across her face, whether it was pain, surprise, or regret he would never know. But in this moment, all that registered was how she felt around him. Tight and warm and alive.   
 

*****

“Did I hurt you?”

His voice was huskier than normal, cutting through the awkward silence as they lay on the bed, Laura facing away from him.

“No,” her reply was quiet, forced.

Bill sighed in frustration. “Yes I did.”

“Well if you knew the answer to the question, why did you bother asking?”

He flung his legs over the side of the bed and got up, pulling his pants up quickly. “Are we gonna fight now too?”

“I hope not.”

“I don’t ever want to do that again, Laura.”

She wouldn’t look at him. “That may be all I can offer you.”

“Then you can keep it.”

“I didn’t see you objecting to it five minutes ago.”

“Frak you.” He left the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.  
 

*****

It had grown quiet and dark in the cabin as Laura lay on the bed. She knew Bill wouldn’t come back to her. If this was going to be fixed, she’d have to make the first move. Getting up from the mattress, she winced at the dull ache between her legs.  _Gods, that was foolish._  But the need to feel him was too strong. Her mind wanted it, but her body was nowhere near ready. She’d wanted that connection back, how perfect he felt inside her, never stopping to consider that the physical act could never be enough.

Laura opened the bedroom door and looked out, finding Bill on the couch. A sliver of moonlight ran across his face.

“Are you going to sleep out here tonight?”

“I suppose so.”

She sat on the edge of the couch, her gaze falling on the flickering candle that sat on his tiny coffee table. “Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, you hurt me.”

She felt the couch move beneath her as he sat up. “Why, Laura?”

Still, she could not look at him. “I just needed it. I missed it. Missed us that way.”

“That wasn’t us.”

“I know. “ Turning to face him, she added, ‘I’m sorry.”

Bill shook his head. “Don’t be. I was a willing participant.”

“So what now?”

He shrugged. “Did you mean what you said, that that may be the only thing you could offer me?”

“I don’t know, Bill.”

“I think you need to try and figure that out.”

She shook her head. “Not now.”

“You can’t keep pushing this all away, Laura.”

“I don’t want to think about it. I hate it. This body – it doesn’t feel like  _me_.”

“I think that’s part of the problem. You  _need_  to think about it. How do you expect to experience pleasure with this body if you can’t accept it?”

“I wasn’t expecting pleasure. I just wanted to be close to you.”

“Gods Laura. Do you know how that makes me feel?”

“I’m sorry, Bill. I thought you’d want me to be honest with you.”

“I do. Sometimes the truth is painful.”

“There’s another truth though.”

“What?”

She leaned over and pressed her lips to his. “I love you.”

His hand found its way into her hair, holding her close. “I love you too. Which is why we can’t do that again.”

She nodded in agreement, humming softly. “I know. I wanted it though. You know that, right?” She was terrified he’d harbor guilt about hurting her.

“Yes.”

“Will you come back to bed?”

Bill smiled, leaning in and kissing her nose. “Of course.”  
 

*****

Later, they lay in bed, Bill curled around her, his hand resting just below her breast. Laura noted that he slept like that every night she’d been back, with one hand close to her heart. As if he needed reassurance even in sleep that she was alive.

“I’m not sorry,” he whispered into her neck.

“For what?”

“For loving this body. For thinking it’s flawless and perfect and nothing short of a miracle. I’ll never be sorry for that.”

“I don’t want you to be.” She held his hand tight. “I just wonder how you can be so accepting and I can’t.”

“Maybe you were ready to die. I wasn’t ready to lose you. This body brought you back to me, Laura. I can’t ever say I’m not grateful for that.”

Laura rolled over slightly so she could see his face. “But what if that’s not what I wanted? Most of the time I feel like this entire new life is completely against my will.”

“But when did we ever choose to come in to this life? We never asked our parents to give birth to us-”

“I don’t think I ever had parents, Bill.”

He closed his eyes, kicking himself for his choice of words. Lowering his forehead to hers, he kissed her softly. “For that, I  _am_  sorry.”

“I know,” she whispered on his lips, caressing his cheek.

“I don’t love all of it Laura. I hate watching you struggle with it. I hate how it makes you feel. But I don’t hate the fact that you’re here with me now. I could never choose to have you cold in the ground instead of warm in our bed. Can you understand that?”

She nodded, rubbing her forehead against his. “I’m glad you want me here.”

“Did you ever doubt it?”

“Yes, in the beginning.”

“Never now though, right?”

“Never.”

They kissed, long and slow and deep, until sleep beckoned. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An emergency forces Laura to take a step she's not ready for.

Panic.

In a dim part of Laura’s mind, she realized she’d never really felt panic before. Not like this. Not the kind that held your soul in a death grip. She’d suffer resurrection a million times over if only Bill’s heart could beat once more.

She banged on his chest, hot tears falling from her face to his shirt with the effort. Nothing.  _No no no no no no no. This is not how it was supposed to be._  She could hear herself moaning and sobbing, begging him to breathe. 

 *****

One Hour Earlier  
  
 

They woke with the sun, its rays shining in through the open window onto their bed. Laura snuggled closer to Bill, burying her face in his chest.

“We need to get some curtains,” she mumbled.

“Are you sick of the sun already?” He stroked her hair.

“I like the sun, but not this early.” She pulled back and looked at him, eyes blinking in the strong light.

“The earlier we wake, the more time we have to do this…” He captured her lips with his, their tongues dueling and exploring, until they were fully awake in more ways than one.

“Bill…” She pulled away from him with tiny kisses to his lips and nose.

“I know. I don’t want anything more than you can give me, Laura.”

She nodded, her nose rubbing against his. “It’s not fair to tease you.”

“You aren’t.” He kissed her one more time, hard and quick.

Laura giggled. “You’re really okay with us holding off on sex right now?”

“I told you already. When you’re ready, we’ll get there. I don’t want a repeat of the other day.”

She frowned, thinking of their miserable first attempt at making love. Laura secretly took the blame for it, but she knew that Bill felt guilty for the way he’d responded to her overtures. It was going to take time for them to get back to where they once were.

They held each other, content to indulge in the luxury of uninterrupted time with each other. No words were spoken for a time, until Laura heard vaguely familiar noises coming from outside.

“Birds!”

Bill jumped at the exclamation, having dozed off as they lounged on the bed. He raised his head from his pillow. “Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry,” she ran a hand through his hair. “But I can hear the birds outside!”

“Okay.”

“Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve woken up to the sound of birds chirping outside my window?”

He nodded, resting his head back down. “Point taken.” Running a hand through her hair, he asked, “What would you like to do today?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That sounds glorious.”

“That can be arranged.”

Bill marveled at the grin on her face, recalling a question she’d voiced a couple of weeks ago –  _Will you ever stop looking at me that way?_  He wondered if he ever would. If this, her,  _them_ , would ever be anything less than a source of wonder to him. With a sudden burst of energy, he jumped up.

“What?”

“I’ll be right back.”

Laura watched with amusement as he got up and ran to the main room, shaking her head. His happiness and excitement over the past couple of weeks were a joy to see.

After a few moments, she heard a loud bang in the other room, and quickly sat up. “Bill?” Laura tossed the blanket off her legs and jumped off the bed when she he did not reply. The sight she encountered as she entered the main room brought her to her knees.

Bill was on the floor by one of the bookcases, not moving. Laura pulled herself up and ran to him, giving his body a shake. “BILL?” She kept calling his name while she searched with frantic fingers for his pulse. She found it, slow and weak. His chest, however, was not moving. He wasn’t breathing.

“Oh my Gods. Okay…” Laura began mouth to mouth, her mind running over a million possibilities of what could have happened. Over and over she breathed into him, and he remained completely unresponsive. It was becoming clear to her that he needed more help than she could provide.

“I don’t know what to do…I don’t know where Doc is. I don’t know….Bill please…” She banged on his chest, willing with all of her might for him to wake up. But he didn’t, and she knew what she had to do.

“Bill, listen to me. I know you can hear me. I’m going to get help. Just…just stay here, okay? I’ll be right back. Don’t go…” She kissed him quickly as she got up, running for the door and grabbing her hooded cloak, swinging it around her shoulders as she ran down the steps and on to the trail leading to the fleet camp.

_Please, Gods. Please. Let him be all right._

_Faster, faster. Stay on the trail._

_Stay Bill. Just stay…_

_Find Saul. Find Cottle._

She felt like she’d been running for hours, the camp impossibly far. But soon the trees thinned out, and she could see green tarps and people walking about. Not thinking about anything except getting help for Bill, she grabbed the first person she saw. Later, Laura would recall the confusion that faded into outright fear on the young man’s face, but for now, all she could focus on was Bill.

“I need to find Doc Cottle. Do you know him? Do you know where he is?” Her voice was high pitched and panicky, and several people stopped in curiosity.

“Laura?”

A familiar voice came from her left. Saul. She reached out for him, holding tight to his arm. “It’s Bill. Get Doc Cottle. Quick.”

“What happened?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. He needs help NOW.”

Saul grabbed her by the arms. “Laura, what happened? Focus. Tell me.”

“I...Heart attack, maybe. I don’t know. He’s not breathing, Saul. Please…”

“Okay. I’ll get him.” He pushed her in the direction of the cabin. “Go. We’ll be right behind you.”  
 

*****

Laura ran back to the cabin on rubbery legs, her lungs burning with effort. “He’ll be okay, he’ll be okay,” she repeated to herself over and over until she finally saw the cabin up ahead.

“BILL?” she bounded up the stairs and burst through the door, running to Bill’s side. On instinct, she began CPR. Before she could begin her sixth round, Cottle and Saul arrived.

Laura did not stop her actions, barely registered Cottle’s “What the frak?” as he assessed the scene.

“I think it was a heart attack, but I don’t know,” she spurted during chest compressions.

“Move back,” Cottle instructed.

Laura stood, backing into Saul. She felt his hands come up and rest on her shoulders. They watched as Cottle worked quickly, pulling an AED out of his bag and ripping Bill’s shirt open. She couldn’t bear to watch, turning her head and burying it into Saul’s chest. She could vaguely hear Cottle working on Bill over the sound of her own voice begging the Gods and anyone who’d listen for Bill to be saved.

“Colonel, those men you grabbed here yet?”

“They were right behind us.”

“Get em in here. I’ve got a pulse, but we need to get him to Galactica ASAP.”

Saul let go of Laura and ran outside. Laura fell to Bill’s side, ignoring Cottle’s stare.

“Everything’s going to be okay. Hold on now, okay?” She kissed his forehead and stood as a handful of men she didn’t recognize entered the cabin with a makeshift longboard.

“Down here, boys. Ease him onto it carefully.” The men and Cottle worked quickly, getting Bill on the board and out the door in a matter of seconds. Saul and Laura followed, the group half running all the way to Galactica.  
 

*****

One hour later  
  
  
Laura sat on Bill’s bed in sickbay, as close to him as possible. Cottle and Ishay had worked fast to stabilize him, and the monitors around them now beeped a steady rhythm.

“Can you wake up for me now?” she stroked his hair, trying to coax him awake.

The curtain had been pulled around the bed for privacy, and Cottle entered, popping a cigarette in his mouth. She idly wondered how they could run out of food so quickly while on the run, but cigarettes had always been available.

“Cardiac arrest,” he mumbled, not making eye contact.

Laura nodded, holding tight to Bill’s hand. “He’ll be okay though?”

“Don’t know. We need to run some tests. We may also be looking at brain damage.”

She winced. “We’ll know when he wakes up, right?”

“Probably,” he mumbled, watching her hand run a steady motion across Bill’s forehead.

As if on cue, Bill stirred, eyes fluttering open. Laura leaned over him to catch his gaze.

“Hi…It’s okay. Everything is okay…”

He looked confused, trying to take in his surroundings. When he spoke, his voice was strained. “Laura?”

She bit back a sob, leaning in and kissing his face. “I’m right here.”

“…happened?”

“Your heart. But you’re okay now. You’re on Galactica.”

“I was getting a book….”

“I know. Just relax.” She ran a finger over his cheek.

“Tired.”

“Rest now.”

“Will you stay?” His eyes were already closed.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she assured him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Laura return home after his health crisis.

Bill was home.

Three days after he’d collapsed, Cottle released him from sickbay with a list of warnings and things to avoid. Laura knew he wasn’t too keen on having Bill so far away, but the patient had assured both the doctor and his lover that he was feeling much better and would recoup faster at home.

Getting them there, however, was something of an issue. Talk had grown in the camp of a Laura Roslin sighting, with rumors running the gamut from her being a ghost, to having faked her death. The reality, that she was a Cylon, was also running rampant. Surprising herself, Laura found it easy to put all that aside for the moment. She was focused on Bill. Nearly losing him had shocked her to her core, and she found there wasn’t much room in her mind for anything beyond that.

Amidst the rumors, a small group of people had gathered by the grounded Galactica, where Bill had been taken. They wanted to see for themselves if their president had returned to them.

“I’ll let you go, but there’s a bit of a situation outside,” Cottle warned on the third day.

“What kind of situation?” Bill was sitting up in bed, Laura by his side.

“Group of people come to see if the rumors are true. If their president really is alive.” Cottle looked at Laura, one of the only times he’d made eye contact with her in the past couple of days.

“How many people?” This from Bill, who’d taken hold of Laura’s hand.

“Not sure. Haven’t seen them myself.”

Bill looked at Laura. “I’ll talk to Lee when he gets back. We’ll handle it.”

Cottle nodded gruffly and left, pulling the privacy curtain closed behind him.

Bill lifted Laura’s hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on her knuckle. “You okay?”

“Mmm hmm. If you’re okay, I’m okay.”

“Didn’t I read that in a book once?”

“Something like that.” She leaned in, closing her eyes and kissing him.

Beyond the curtain, a metal pan was dropped, and the kiss was broken. Laura stayed close to Bill though, placing a hand on his cheek. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“It couldn’t have been easy, running into camp like that.”

She shook her head. “I was only thinking about getting you help.”

He smiled, turning in to her touch and kissing her hand.

*****

Standing in the bedroom doorway of their cabin, Laura watched Bill sleep. She’d tried to get some rest, lying down with him in the evening when they’d gotten home, but her mind was restless. If she wasn’t thinking of how close she’d come to losing Bill, she was thinking of the people, and how word would be spreading quickly now about her.

Laura chose not to meet with Lee when he arrived to visit Bill in sickbay. She knew she should have; this was, after all, her problem to deal with, but in the end she simply told Bill to tell him the truth. The people were going to find out anyway. How they did was surprisingly of no concern to her. She was done making formal statements, having press conferences, and addressing the population. That was another life, another Laura, one that seemed very far away.

Lee had informed Bill that several people had gathered at the cabin as well, and that he would handle it. She was surprised that no one remained when they’d returned home. Whatever Lee had said to them had worked. She knew it wouldn’t last though. Sooner or later it was something she’d have to deal with. The quiet bubble they’d existed in had burst.

*****

Bill woke to find himself all alone in bed. Laura hadn’t left his side in days. Curious, he rose slowly and ventured out to look for her.

The main room was quiet, but her cloak was missing from the rack by the front door. Peering outside the window, Bill saw her down by the gravesite. Sighing to himself, he grabbed his coat and headed out after her.

She didn’t hear him approach, jumped when he came up behind and slid his arms around her. “What are you doing out here?”

“Thinking. Needed some air.” She caressed his arm through the fabric of his coat.

“It’s freezing.”

“You should be inside.”

“I missed my nurse.” He kissed her cheek.

“Hmmm. I’ll be in soon.”

“Laura, what’s up?”

“Nothing. Really. I’m fine.” She turned her neck and nuzzled his cheek.

“I don’t like you being out here.”

“Where?  _Here_ , here, or just outside?”

“I can’t imagine it’s a good thing to stand by one’s own grave, Laura.”

“Probably not. But it’s clear out here. Black and white. What I was,” she nodded to the ground at their feet. “And what I am.”

Bill hugged her tighter, kissing her shoulder. “Come inside.”

Laura took a shaky breath, and when she spoke, her voice caught. “How did you do it, Bill? How did you bury me?”

“Gods, Laura. I don’t…” His voice trailed off, not wanting to speak about that particular nightmare.

“I can’t do that, Bill. I can’t. I won’t bury you.”

“Oh, Laura,” he turned her in his arms. “I’m right here.”

“But one day you won’t be. Odds are now I’ll outlive you.”

He wanted to comfort her, but was unsure of what to say. She was right. It was likely she’d have to face what he did not too long ago. And he hated the thought. “You find the strength, Laura. That’s all I can tell you.”

She kissed him then, soft and slow. “I hope you’re right.”

He pulled at her waist. “Come on now. It’s cold out here. Come keep me warm.”

Laura smiled. “Now that, I can do.”

*****

“Nice to have such a big bed.” Laura lay on her back in the middle of the large mattress, Bill’s head on her chest.

“Yeah,” he curled an arm around her waist. “I hated it at first though. Too big.”

She ran a hand through his hair. “You can talk about it if you want, you know.”

“No.  Not much to say. I missed you.”

“Well not anymore. And this bed is just the right size now, don’t you think?”

She could feel his smile against her. “Yes. Perfect.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. Probably be a while before I’m out chopping wood, but I’m okay.”

She hugged him closer and they lay in silence for a time, content in the reassuring comfort of each other’s presence.

“Laura?” his voice was a whisper.

“Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you want to see Lee on Galactica?”

His head rose and fell as she sighed. “I know it’s foolish. I have to deal with it eventually. You know what’s funny?” Her hand ran along his arm as she spoke. “I was so concerned with everything else before. Worrying about what would go on outside our little world here once people knew. And now that they know, it’s the last thing I want to think about.”

“Because you’re afraid.”

“No. Because right now, it seems trivial. I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me. The life I had before, whatever that was, I never really focused on me. On the people that mattered to me. I’m not even sure that many people  _did_ matter to me. But seeing you nearly die out there, I can’t…I don’t want to think about  _people_  anymore.  _This_  is what matters to me. “

Bill turned his head, kissing her chest. “We can’t hide in here forever.”

“I know. But I need us to be okay before I can think of anything else.”

“We aren’t okay?”

“Well…I mean, we have issues.” She looked at him. “Okay,  _I_  have issues,” she conceded.

“What do you want, Laura? In a perfect world?”

“Just you and me. In our little cabin. Books and streams and quiet. Oh my Gods, Bill. Do you know how wonderful this has been, just doing nothing with you?”

“So we want the same thing. Mostly.”

“Okay. What else do you want?”

“To spend time with Lee. And Saul. Attend the occasional hog roast with you on my arm.”

She giggled at that. “They have dancing at the hog roasts, right?”

“Yes, they do.”

“Mmm. I do remember you being quite the dancer.”

He moved up on the bed, planting soft kisses to her chest and neck until he reached her face. “I want us to live, Laura. Reading, swimming, laughing, dancing…” He kissed her lips.

“And other things…” she whispered.

“Yes, those too.” Another kiss.

“We’ll get there. I promise.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura begins to work through her issues, with a little help from Bill.

Laura stood at the window, waiting for Bill and Cottle to finish up. The doctor had shown up unannounced early that morning, wanting to check up on Bill. She’d initially sat in on the visit, but took her leave when Cottle insisted on a full physical. She could hear Bill grumbling beyond the door, insisting that it wasn’t necessary. She’d smiled to herself, happy that he was getting the best care available to him.

She heard the bedroom door open, but didn’t turn around. Cottle walked up to her and took in the view outside the cabin.

“Will he be okay?”

“He’ll be fine. I’d feel better if we could get him off the meat and jerky, but we gotta wait for the vegetables to grow.”

Laura nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable under Cottle’s curious gaze.

“I guess when I call you ‘young lady’ now, it really means something.”

“Yeah.”

He put a cigarette in his mouth, paused before lighting it. “And you really had no idea?”

She shook her head. “No.”

He nodded, accepting her answer. “Well, I’m glad you’re here. At least for his sake.”

“Me too,” Laura smiled softly. “Thank you, Sherman. For everything.”

“Keep an eye on him, make sure he tells you if he feels any pain or discomfort.”

“I will.” She watched him exit, called after him. “Doc?”

He turned back to her as he lit his cigarette.

“If you see Lee, send him up. I think Bill would like to see him.”

 *****

Frakking doctors. Having a ‘cardiac event’ does not indicate the need for a prostate exam. And what exactly could be done if something suspect was found? Electricity and medical supplies were eventually going to run very low. There wasn’t really a whole lot to be done for someone with cancer on this planet. Bill let his mind run as he dressed; eventually conceding to the fact that one good doctor was better than none at all.

Laura was standing at the front window again. Gods, how he hated when she did that. But as he stepped closer to her, he realized her gaze was not on her grave, but on the trees to the east.

“I’ll have you know I refused the prostate exam,” he said as he approached.

Her gaze remained at the window. “There’s someone out there.”

“Where?”

“There, just beyond those trees. I just saw him.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m not blind, Bill.”

He frowned, double checking the zipper on his pants. “I’ll go check it out.”

Laura watched as Bill made his way outside and down to the wooded area. She lost sight of him when he brushed past the trees, only to emerge several minutes later. His expression was hard to read, but when he came back inside, he was fuming.

“Frakking Saul.”

“It was Saul?”

“No. It was Sullivan.”

“Sullivan? You mean one of the marines on my detail?”

“Yes. Apparently Saul thought it was a good idea for you to have your security back.”

Laura shook her head. “I don’t understand. All of them?”

“Most of them, I think.”

Movement in front of the cabin caught Laura’s eye. It was Sullivan, standing at the bottom of the steps. She sighed. “Well, I guess I should talk to him.”

Bill was about to tell her she didn’t have to, but refrained. She was going to have to start dealing with people. He watched her approach the doorway and greet her former guard. Sullivan, to his credit, masked any shock he might have felt upon seeing his former President alive again.

“Hello Sir.”

“Not sir anymore. Just Laura.”

He nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

She bit back a smile. “Saul Tigh bring you up here?”

“Yes ma’am, but we volunteered. We’re happy to do it.”

“And you’re  _all_  lurking around?”

“All except Price. His wife just had a baby.”

“What exactly is Tigh having you do?”

“Secure the perimeter. Escort unwanted visitors off the property, that sort of thing.”

“Have there been many unwanted visitors?”

“A few. No one we thought was particularly dangerous, but Colonel Tigh wanted to discourage people lurking about.”

“And you all want to be here?”

“Yes ma’am. It’s good to be of service again.”

“Well,” she sighed. “If you all want to be here, I suppose it can’t hurt. But I’m not your president anymore, just so we’re clear.”

“Crystal. All former presidents on Caprica had security details. We see this as no different.”

She softened a bit at that. “And you all are on shifts? You have everything you need?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Okay.” She nodded to the wooded area he’d come from. “Go. And thank you.”

Laura watched him walk away as Bill came up behind her, slipping his arms around her. “That went well.”

“Yeah. He’s a good guy.”

“Can we trust them?”

She turned to face him. “What do you mean?”

“How do we know if any of them harbor hatred for cylons?”

“We don’t. But if they weren’t here, we’d potentially be in more danger. At least this way, odds are we have a few men who have our backs.”

He nodded at her reasoning. “I hate that we have to deal with this.”

Laura shrugged her shoulders. “Cylon or not, I’d have to deal with it. Not everyone was a President Roslin supporter, you know.”

“So you aren’t angry with Saul?”

“I’m not angry at the idea. I’m angry at the execution. He should’ve discussed it with us.”

“I know. I’ll talk to him.”

“No.  _We’ll_ talk to him. This is something I need to deal with. I can’t pass everything off on you anymore.”

“I liked seeing you talk with Sullivan.” He kicked the front door closed behind her.

“Yeah? Why?”

“Progress.” He kissed her nose.

“Do I get a reward for taking such a big step?”

“I think we could figure something out…”  
 

*****

They were on the couch, making out like a couple of teenagers. Hands in hair, tongues exploring, fingers caressing. This was the most prolonged intimate contact they’d had, not counting their disastrous encounter several days ago. Bill was tentatively hopeful that they were on the right track. He wanted them to be able to enjoy each other in this way.

She broke the kiss, whispering on his lips, “We should stop.”

“Why? No good for you?” he teased.

She made that adorable little giggle-hum sound, and kissed his nose. “Oh, I’m enjoying this immensely.”

“Good.” He leaned in to capture her lips again, but she pulled back.

“Really, Bill. We should stop.”

“Tell me why.” He started kissing her neck.

She was finding it hard to form coherent sentences as he sucked gently on a particularly sensitive spot. “I don’t…I can’t…think…”

“Then don’t think. There…” He began to nibble at her ear. “Problem solved.”

“Hmmm. I know. I think too much. But the last time I disengaged my brain, we had a problem.”

He sighed, burying his face in her neck. “I won’t let that happen again, Laura.”

“I know. I just…I don’t know how I’ll react. I know how I’d  _like_  to react, but…”

“And what’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I feel like, by surrendering to that pleasure, baring myself to you, I’ll have to finally accept all of this. Does that make sense?”

“Not really,” he admitted.

Laura lifted his head and kissed him softly. “I do want this. I really do.”

He smiled. “You know what I think? You need to change how you look at it. This body gives you pleasure every day in different ways. Reading, kissing, heck, even that mystery fish Saul brought us the other night. It’s not all that different.”

“I know. But I’m not naked when I enjoy those things.”

Bill sighed. “Do you really think me seeing you in a body that’s slightly different than the one I knew will make any difference in how I feel about you?”

“No, I’m just self-conscious about it.”

“It’s not you, it’s me,” he offered.

“Yeah.” She gave a reluctant nod of her head.

“Then change that too. Nudity isn’t all about sex.”

Laura rolled her eyes. “I know that, Bill. And if I didn’t, living with you would’ve taught me that lesson.”

He gave a short laugh. “I’m military. We aren’t known for our modesty.”

She looked at him pointedly. “Except for now.”

“Well, I figure we’ll ease into me wandering around the cabin naked. One thing at a time.”

She giggled. “What do you suggest? Shall  _I_  wander around naked?”

“As much as I’d love that, it’s not really what I meant.”

“Gods, this is strange.”

“What?”

“Talking about all this. It’s new for us.” She watched the flame dance on a candle across the room.

“Necessary though.”

“You’re frustrated with me.”

“No.” His response was immediate.

“I do want this, Bill. I’m just afraid it’ll be another disaster.”

“I think that if you accept this as just another form of pleasure, it won’t be.”

She turned to him, inching closer on the couch. “I want you so much. I do.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

“’Kay.” He moved off the couch and blew out all but one of the candles in the room. “Sit back.”

Her heart began to pound as she relaxed against the back of the couch, unfolding her legs. He kneeled in front of her, lifting her skirt slightly and running his hands along her calves. “This okay?”

She nodded, closing her eyes and willing herself to focus on his touch.

“Can I move higher?”

“Mm hmm.”

His hands slid under her skirt, tracing the lines of her knees and lower thighs. Up and down his hands went, over and over, never venturing too far up her skirt. At first, Laura was touched at his sensitivity, but as the minutes passed, she felt the need for more. A need she hadn’t felt in a long time. She sighed as he pressed a soft kiss to her knee.

“More?”

“Yes, please.”

He started at her foot, kissing his way up her leg. His pace was maddeningly slow. He stopped at her knee and looked up at her. “Laura?”

“Hmm?”

“Look at me.”

She opened her eyes and raised her head. The glow of the candle was enough for her to see the rapture in his eyes. “You want me to stop?”

“No.” She lifted a hand to his head, fingers running through his hair.

His hands inched further up her thighs until they found her panties. “Lift,” he instructed.

She did so, their eyes never leaving one another. He pulled the garment slowly down her legs and off.

“We’ll leave the skirt on.”

She smiled at his concession to her fears, watching as he bunched the fabric up ever so slightly to allow him access to her center. He planted open mouthed kisses up her thighs, stopping just short of where she wanted him to be. He leaned in closer, reaching out and running a finger along her folds. He gasped.

“Gods, you’re wet.”

Laura giggled softly, simultaneously relieved at her body’s response, and happy at his surprise over it.  She closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of the couch, shutting out everything except him. He began to probe deeper, his finger quickly working its way up to her clit. The small circles he made had her rolling her hips in response. Her eyes flew open as she felt his tongue begin to lick her slowly. He suckled and kissed, paying special attention to the tiny bundle of nerves. Watching his head move between her legs, she felt a flood of arousal course through her body, down to where his mouth gently worked her. He moaned at her response, sliding his finger completely inside her.

“More…” she whispered, humming when he slid a second finger between her swollen lips. Gods, if he would just keep doing  _that_ , with his tongue, and find that spot inside her that always sent her soaring, this might actually work. Her hips began to buck against him, her soft hums becoming pleas for him to never stop. “Please…please…” She was so close.  _Right there. Just a little more…_

And then her mind began to wander, as it often did during oral sex. She pictured them on the bed, him buried deep inside her, thrusting hard and fast into her brand new body until she exploded beneath him. And she started to lose the perfect feeling he created with his hand and his tongue. She tried to keep hold of it, hips bucking shamelessly against his face. Her whole body was shaking with a frenzy she’d never known before. So close, and it was slipping away…

“No…please…just more…little more…” She wanted to beg to Bill, the Gods, anyone who’d listen. But the moment was gone, the wave never having crested.

“I can’t…” she moaned, reaching out to still him. She bit back a sob as he stopped.

“Shhh.” He ran his hands up and down her legs. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“So close and I can’t...lost it…”

“Laura, take a deep breath. That’s it. Listen to me. Be here with me. Don’t go away. Look at me.”

She looked at him as he buried his hand under her skirt once more, moaned when his thumb found her clit. “Bill…”

“I want to do this for you. Let me do this. Just focus on me.”

Their gaze never broke as he worked her, the only sounds in the room her soft sighs and his fingers sliding in and out of her. “Yes…like that…”

“That’s it. You’re so close. I can feel it.”

She nodded, biting her lip. “Don’t stop…”

“I won’t, Laura.” His thumb moved faster, rocking back and forth against her clit the way he knew she liked it.

“Gods, Bill…” Her head fell back, one hand reaching for his and holding it in place at her center. “There…there…”

“I know. Come for me now, Laura.”

Her hips bucked hard against his hand as the pleasure finally exploded inside her. Every part of her body quivered in release. She gasped as he continued the rocking motion with his thumb, prolonging her orgasm. “Oh my Gods…”

She was vaguely aware of him getting to his feet and coming up beside her on the couch, his hand never losing contact with her. “So beautiful, Laura…” His lips found her ear, raining tiny kisses down to her neck. Her body continued to tremble as she came down from her orgasm.

Their hands were intertwined between her legs, his face buried in her neck. They stayed that way for a long moment, savoring the long missed connection. Laura turned her head, nuzzling his hair. “Thank you…”

He smiled against the sensitive skin of her neck. “Anytime.”

She hummed happily, releasing his hand and turning into him. Bill smoothed her skirt down to keep her legs warm, and kissed her head as she snuggled into his chest. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning after the events in Chapter 14.

 

“I know you’re not sleeping.”

“Mmm. Did I wake you?”

“No. You’ve been perfectly still and quiet since you woke.”

“Then how did you know I was awake?”

Bill kissed the back of her neck, nuzzled the skin there. “Because I know you.”

Laura giggled as he continued to kiss her, his arm around her waist pulling her closer to him.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Did I not just say that I know you?”

“Let’s not spoil this morning, hmmm?” She reached for his hand at her waist and tugged it up to her mouth, planting a kiss to his palm.

“Oh no. Distraction is a clever technique, but doomed to fail.”

Laura sighed, pausing to choose the words to best describe her thoughts. “I was thinking about my family.”

“What about them?”

Gods, he was so matter of fact. “I don’t know, Bill. Lots of things. Did they exist? Were they really my family if they did? Do you know, I can’t think of  _one_  person I knew after they died that knew my family. I try so hard…not one. That means something, don’t you think?”

Bill shrugged. “It might.”

She turned to face him, sitting up in the bed. “What does that mean? Of course it means something.” She stopped, considered him. “You…” She shook her head, getting off the bed. “You don’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

“Gods, sometimes I wonder why I even bother talking to you.”

“What do you want me to say, Laura? I  _don’t_  understand. I can listen, but I can’t relate.”

“You’re just…You’re so…” She threw her hands up with a groan of frustration.

“If you’re looking for a fight, I’m not going to give it to you.”

Laura sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh. “I’m not looking for a fight. It’s just that matter of fact way you have. You’re so...calm. And to the point.  It’s infuriating.”

“How would you like me to be? Honestly, I’m asking you. This is new for me too, you know.”

“Do you really want to compare, Bill?”

“No, I don’t. I want you to tell me what you’re looking for. I can’t give you understanding. You want someone who understands, talk to Saul.”

She slammed her fist on the mattress and stood. “I don’t want to talk to Saul! I want to talk to you!”

Bill was sitting up now, head propped against his pillow. “I’m listening, Laura.”

Laura rolled her eyes in defeat. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Come here.” He held his hand out, beckoning her back to the bed.

She went to him, sitting beside him. “I don’t mean to take this out on you.”

“I know.”

“You see?” She nodded for emphasis. “Infuriating.”

He smiled. “It’s a gift.”

“What if they didn’t exist, Bill? What if they did, but long before my time? Maybe they belonged to the original Laura. And if they didn’t, what kind of monster would create memories like that?”

“I don’t know, Laura. And the pisser is, you never will, either.”

“Yeah,“ her voice was a whisper, head bowed.

“Come here.” He pulled her closer, so she was sitting against the headboard beside him. “Tell me a memory.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to hear one.”

She bit back a smile. “Okay.” She was silent for a moment while she thought. “My mother never let anyone touch my hair. Never let anyone cut it, not even a trim. And as I grew older, I hated it. All my friends had short hair, like Annie Fidler in Temple of the Gods. You remember that movie?” Laura paused to consider what she’d just said. “See? Why do  _I_ remember that movie? I couldn’t have been alive then. But I had to be in some way, right? My memories are so detailed, Bill.”

He waited her out, knowing he could never provide adequate answers for her. Finally, she continued.

“Anyway, I felt so outdated with hair down to my waist. So when I turned 16, my mother drove me to the salon and told me I could do whatever I wanted. So I cut it all off. I can still remember the shock of feeling the breeze on my neck. I was so happy. I felt mature, like a woman, for the very first time. And that night, after we’d had cake and I opened the few presents I’d received, I went to say goodnight to my parents, and for the briefest moment, I swear I saw tears in her eyes. I thought perhaps it was a mom thing, having another birthday pass for her oldest daughter. But then I remembered our ritual. Every single night, without fail, she would braid my hair. Sometimes we talked, sometimes I was too sleepy and my eyes would close before she’d even finished. But that ritual was gone. Cut away. Do you know how much I regretted chopping my hair off after that? Such a silly thing. But as hard as we tried, we never really had moments like that again.” Laura looked at Bill and shrugged. “Kind of a sad memory, huh?”

“A little.” He reached up and began stroking her hair. “I’ll braid your hair if you want.”

She laughed. “Do you even know how?”

“Nope. Never had a daughter to teach me.”

“Okay.” She tapped his legs, prompting him to spread them so she could sit before him. “Now, you have to divide it into three sections. Equal sections.”

“Don’t we have to brush it first?”

“If you want to. My brush is on the nightstand.”

Bill reached over and grabbed the brush, which arguably had seen better days. “We need to get you a new one,” he said as he began pulling it slowly through her hair.

“Where, Bill? The corner market?”

“Mmm. Good point.”

He brushed her hair far longer than was necessary, both of them enjoying the experience. “Okay, I think we’re good,” he said after a time.

“Okay. Three sections,” she reminded him.

“Yes, ma’am.” He parted her hair, unintentionally tickling her scalp and causing her to giggle. “Okay, now what?”

Laura brought her hands behind her head to wrap around his. “You’re gonna take this left section, and cross it over the middle section. Then you take the right section, and cross  _it_  over.”

“Like this?” he did as she instructed, letting her inspect his work with her hands.

“Yes, just like that.”

Bill was a fast learner, making quick work of the entire length of her hair. “Look at that. I’m a natural.”

She felt the braid, agreeing with him. “Very good. Now we need a hair tie.”

“Oh. Do we have one?”

“I’m not sure. Probably not.”

“Well, if it comes undone, I’ll just have to redo it.”

“Something tells me you wouldn’t mind.”

“Nope.” He leaned forward, kissing the top of her head. “Never cut this, okay?”

“I don’t know, Bill. Kind of hard to care for living on the land like we do.”

“Promise me. It’s too beautiful to cut.”

“If it means that much to you…”

“It does.”

“Okay.” She turned to face him, reaching out and cradling his cheek in her hand. “You’re a good man, Bill Adama.”

“Five minutes ago, I was infuriating,” he teased.

“Shush.” She kissed him then, long and slow and deep, moving closer to straddle his waist. The mood had shifted suddenly once again. He groaned as her body came into contact with his cock, grabbing her hips as they began to rock against him.

“Laura…” The kiss was broken, and she began to work her way down his neck with her mouth, humming an ‘mm hmm’ in response. “What are you…”

She looked up at him devilishly. “Something I’ve always wanted to do…” Resuming her open mouthed kisses to his chest, Laura reached down and slid a hand in his pants. He jerked into her touch. “Easy there, Admiral.”

He could only watch her, wet mouth and tongue sliding along his chest and down, brief glimpses of her young face making his heart jump. Her hand was doing wicked things, quickly working him to hardness. Her other hand found the waistband of his pants and pulled them down, exposing him to her gaze. He had a brief moment of vain uncertainty, even though she was familiar with his aging body. She was staring at him with a look akin to curiosity as her hand slid up and down his length.

“Laura?”

“I never really…looked at you. I’ve seen you, but never looked,” she explained.

“And now is a good time?”

“Yes. You are beautiful like this. It’s the perfect time.”

No woman had ever called him, or any part of him, beautiful. He brought his hand down to her face, unable to find the words to respond. She smiled at him sweetly before returning to the glorious task at hand, taking hold of him and guiding him to her mouth. He gasped at the sensation; it had been ages since he’d experienced a woman’s mouth on him. She started with tiny kisses to the underside of his cock, slowly introducing her tongue to lick and suckle. He gripped the sheets underneath him in a euphoric panic when she finally took him fully into her mouth with a moan. “Gods, Laura…”

She hummed in reply as he continued to watch, her hair slowly coming out of the braid as her head moved rhythmically in his lap. He could feel the softness of her breast against his leg, the thin cotton of her nightgown, her hard nipple pressed into the flesh of his thigh. A familiar tingling at the base of his cock beckoned, but he held off as long as he could. Her hands and mouth and tongue worked him faster and faster, causing his breath to quicken. She began to moan softly as his muscles tightened beneath her. The realization that she was enjoying this almost as much as he was sent him over the edge.  He tried to warn her with a hand to her head, but she did not pull away, taking every drop as he came with a shout of her name.

Laura released him from her mouth gently, sliding him back into his pants and reclaiming her seat on his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck, placing the softest of kisses to his lips with a happy sigh. He smiled dazedly and guided her head to his shoulder.

“Braid’s coming out,” he whispered, stroking the length of her hair.

She laughed softly, her warm breath tickling his ear. “You can fix it later.”

“Yeah. Need a minute.”

“You okay?”

“Yes. Very much so.” Bill wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“We really should’ve checked with Cottle to make sure you’re fit for this kind of activity.”

“Bite your very talented tongue.”

She laughed. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?”

“No, actually I don’t.”

“What? Did you think that was off my menu?”

“Well, I just figured it was something you weren’t into.”

“Hmmm. We never had time to really explore each other, did we?”

“No. But we do now.”

“Thank you, Bill,” she said, switching gears.

“I think I’m the one that should be expressing gratitude here.”

“No, no. I mean thank you for your patience. With this, with me…for last night…” Her voice trailed off pointedly, and they both sat in silence for a moment, remembering how she was finally able to surrender her body to the pleasure he offered her. “I know it’s not always easy for you,” she finally continued.

“No, actually it is pretty easy. Seeing you die. Having to dig your grave and place you in it. Covering you with dirt. Those things were hard. This? Easy. I’m not going to say it’s perfect, but loving you is not hard, Laura.”

When she spoke, her voice was thick with tears. “Even with all this…stuff? This baggage?”

“Yes.”

She closed her eyes for a long moment in relief, arms tightening around him. Just thinking about what he’d gone through, what he’d had to do for her, broke her heart. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Unless you want me to.”

Laura thought about it. There was a curiosity surrounding her death and burial that she didn’t fully understand. But how much did she really want to know? And was she ready to hear it? Was it worth making the man she loved talk about it? “Maybe one day,” she finally decided.

“Okay.” His voice had slipped back into that post coital tone she loved so much. Not sleepy, not simply relaxed, but sated. Happy. It clicked for her then that her fears about her body weren’t just hurting her, they were hurting him as well. And Bill had hurt enough.  It was time to face those fears.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visit causes a change in Laura.

Laura was tidying up after breakfast, wondering how on this earth they were supposed to keep everything clean. She never thought she’d consider a sink a luxury item, but what she wouldn’t give for one. The absence of running water made washing everything – from the dishes to her hair – a difficult task. They did have a bathtub of sorts, but heating the water and filling it was more work than it was worth, really. Bill had gone down to the stream several times to bathe, but with the new security detail in place, Laura found she preferred sponge baths from a small basin.

Lost in thought, she didn’t hear Bill approach from behind. She jumped when he wrapped his arms around her.

“Scare you?” he whispered in her ear.

“A little. I was thinking.”

Bill could sense that her mood was good, and deemed it safe to ask what she’d been pondering.

“Cleaning. Running water. The nuts and bolts of everyday living,” she answered.

“Are you dirty, Ms. Roslin?”

She grinned, loving how playful he was in the wake of their early morning activities. “Not as dirty as that mind of yours, Mr. Adama.”

Bill laughed, seizing her earlobe with his lips. He’d begun giving it a delightful sort of attention when someone knocked on their door. They both groaned.

“You expecting anyone?” She asked.

“No, you?”

She frowned playfully at him. “Go answer it.”

He nipped at her shoulder before releasing her and walking to the door. “Who is it?”

“Your second in command,” came from the other side of the door.

Bill shook his head and opened the door for Saul. He was about to greet his friend when he noticed one of the Sixes standing at the bottom of the steps.  “Hi, Saul. What’s up?”

“Is Laura around?”

“I can check.” Bill turned to Laura, who he hadn’t realized was right behind him.

“Hi Saul.” Her eyes fell on the blonde Cylon behind him. “Elizabeth.” It wasn’t the style of dress, or the hair cut that helped Laura identify the woman who’d helped her after her resurrection. Rather, Laura realized that she instinctively knew. Elizabeth looked, to her, as much of an individual as Bill or Saul.

Elizabeth smiled. “Hi Laura.”

“What’re you doing here?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing. I can leave, if you’d like.”

Laura shook her head. “No. Please, come in.” She turned to Bill as Saul entered. “Bill, this is Elizabeth. She…” She paused to think of the right word. “helped me after.”

Bill nodded, knowing that Laura meant after her resurrection. “Hello, Elizabeth.”

“Admiral.” Elizabeth shook his hand.

“No, it’s just Bill now. Come in, please.”

“Thank you.”

“Can I get either of you anything?” Bill asked.

“Actually, Bill, I thought maybe you and I could go fishing. There’s a place not too far from here that’s still relatively secret. And Cottle said you could probably use the exercise.” Saul answered.

“You asking my doctor about me?”

“You’re damn straight. Gotta keep the Old Man in shape.”

Bill looked at Laura. “I don’t know, Saul.”

Laura smiled at him. “It’s okay. Go. We’ll be fine here.”

“You sure?”

“Mm hmmm. Just don’t overdo it.” She looked at Saul for emphasis.

“He’s in good hands,” he reassured her.

“Alright. Fishing it is. I don’t have a pole here, you know.”

“I brought you one. It’s outside. Ladies,” Saul nodded at Laura and Elizabeth before heading out of the cabin.

Bill crossed to Laura. “I won’t be long. You sure this is okay with you?”

She leaned in and kissed him quickly. “Go. And don’t forget your hat.”

“I won’t. “ He gave her hand a short squeeze and nodded to Elizabeth as he followed Saul out the door.

Laura turned to Elizabeth. “Please, sit down.” She gestured to the couch. “Can I get you anything?”

Elizabeth moved to the couch and sat, declining Laura’s offer of food or drink.

Laura sat down beside her. “Well. How is it down there?”

“Good. A couple of us have a tent together. Slightly crowded, but it’s wonderful after being in space for so long.”

Laura nodded in agreement. “I know what you mean. And the climate is beautiful. So far, anyway.”

“Many people are saying that the winters should be fairly mild.”

“Are they? Well that’s good. I can’t imagine living in a tent during a brutal winter.”

“You don’t have to,” Elizabeth pointed out.

Laura looked at her. “No, you’re right. I don’t. I’m very lucky.” She glanced around the cabin.

“So you feel lucky now?” Her tone was gentle, concerned.

“More often than not. I’m getting there.”

“Good. Seems your fears over Bill were unfounded. I can see he loves you very much.”

Laura’s instinct was to shut down at the increasingly intrusive nature of the discussion. Her relationship with Bill was private. But she found herself wanting to talk to someone. “I have a lot of fears, and the majority of them are unfounded. But Bill is a patient man.”

“I wish I could help you.”

“Maybe you can.” Off Elizabeth’s look, she asked, “Do you know how I was created? Did Cavil base me on someone? ”

“You mean, was there an original Laura? I honestly don’t know.”

Laura studied her hands in her lap, running over the soft cotton of her skirt. “Do you know  _anything_  about me?”

“Cavil considered me, and really, all the others, to be his subordinates. He would never have shared anything of importance with me.”

“And he left nothing behind? No data, no information?”

“No. I’m sorry, Laura.”

“I had cancer, for frak’s sake. How can I have a human disease without having human DNA of some sort? I have all these detailed memories. References to Colonial culture and specific events in time. They had to belong to someone.”

“They belong to you.”

“No, Elizabeth. They were planted in me. The people I remember as being my parents actually weren’t. I never had sisters. I never had a puppy named Andy. None of that is mine.”

“Perhaps not. But you have your own memories, right? Your existence now. That’s yours and no one else’s.”

“And why do I age? You don’t. None of the others do. Why did he make me like the Five?”

Elizabeth knew that Laura was simply voicing her frustrations aloud. She could offer her no real comfort or truth. “I wish I had answers for you.”

Laura offered up a sad smile. “I know you do.”

*****

Bill and Saul sat at the shore of a rather impressive lake, fishing lines in the water. The 15 minute hike from the cabin was an easy one, but relatively quiet. Saul knew Bill was worried about Laura.

“She’ll be fine, you know.”

“I know, Saul. She can handle herself. I’m just…”

“Overprotective,” Saul interjected.

Bill opened his mouth to protest, but realized his friend was right.”Yeah,” he admitted.

“She’ll kick your ass if you keep it up.”

Both men were for silent for a moment, but Bill couldn’t hold his laughter back and Saul soon joined him.

“We’ll scare the fish,” Bill warned between laughs.

“At least we’ll have an excuse for not catching anything.”

The laughter died down slowly, giving way to the peaceful quiet of the woods surrounding them. “I’ve been meaning to thank you, Saul.” Bill said.

“For what?”

“Looking out for Laura when she arrived. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course I did. But I didn’t do it because I had to, Bill.”

“I know that. And that’s why I’m thanking you.”

“You two doin alright?” Saul ventured.

“Yeah. We’re making progress.”

“Godsdamned women can be a handful.”

“Sometimes I get so frustrated with her, but then I think about what it was like burying her. Having to cover her body with cold dirt. Not much is worth an argument after that.”

“Just be careful. You swallow enough, it’ll all come spillin out one of these days.”

“Yeah, I know. She’s getting better though.”

Neither spoke as they reeled in and recast their lines, hoping to find a more plentiful spot in the lake. “Saul?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever caught anything here?”

“No,” Saul admitted.

“Maybe this place is a secret for a reason, then.”

They looked at each other for a moment before giving in to laughter once more.

*****

It was early evening when Bill and Saul returned to the cabin. Bill wasn’t sure what he expected to find when he entered the dwelling, but he was pleasantly surprised to see Laura and Elizabeth chatting away on the couch. From the looks of it, it was a lighthearted conversation.

Laura smiled at him in greeting, giving him a look when she saw his empty hands. “Where’s the big catch? Too heavy for you to carry back?”

Bill gave a short laugh as Saul grumbled something under his breath. “Not one bite. Unless you count Saul stealing some of the bait for his lunch.”

Laura wrinkled her nose. “I don’t even want to know.”

Elizabeth stood and looked at Saul. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to head back. I don’t want to miss out on dinner this evening.”

“Ah yes. One of the hunting parties got a buffalo this morning,” Saul explained. “Well, that’s what they’re calling it, anyway. It looks something like what we knew to be a buffalo.”

“All this wildlife, it’s amazing.” This from Laura, who had risen from the couch.

“You should come down,” suggested Elizabeth.

Laura looked at Bill, and shook her head. “Maybe another time.”

“I understand. It was good to see you, Laura.”

“You too.”

“If it’s okay, I’d like to come up and visit again soon.”

Laura smiled at her. “I’d like that.”

Departing pleasantries were exchanged, and Elizabeth and Saul were on their way.

Bill walked over to Laura as the door shut behind their guests. “You okay?”

“Mm hmmm,” she replied with a nod, grasping his hands in hers and pulling him close for a kiss.

“Miss me?” he murmured into the corner of her mouth.

“Mm hmmm.” Another nod, and their noses rubbed together. Tiny kisses deepened and led to one long one, the mood shifting from playful to passionate rather quickly. Laura broke the kiss with a smile. “Come with me.”

She led him by the hand into the bedroom, and he watched as she shut the door and lit the candles by the bed. Crossing to the window, she pulled the curtain closed and turned to face him. Without any hesitation, she pulled her blouse up and over her head. Next she reached for the zipper on her skirt, unzipping it and letting it fall to the floor. She smiled at the look of pure amazement on Bill’s face as she moved to unhook her bra.

“Laura-“

“It’s okay. I want to.”

His face relaxed visibly at her words, and he nodded for her to continue. She unhooked the bra and pulled it off, tossing it aside and reaching for her panties in one quick motion. She pulled them down and stepped out of them, cursing herself for starting to shake with nerves. She knew this was right. Her fears had no place here between them.

She stood before him, completely nude. Her body trembled slightly, although Bill knew it was not from the chill in the air. Exposing herself to him in this way terrified her, and he longed to ease her fears.

She watched him look at her, pupils dilated, breathing heavier than normal. She knew he loved her, did not see in her new body what she saw when she looked in the mirror. He approached her, fingers tensing at his sides. “I want to touch you.” It was a statement, not a plea, but she nodded her encouragement and watched as the dark skin of his hands fell softly on her shoulders. “You are so beautiful, Laura.” He smiled at her then, a toothy grin that almost felt out of place in the moment. She couldn’t help but mirror it when he began stroking the length of her arms. “I see you. I recognize you in all of this. A little fuller, softer, more alive than before. But it’s still  _you_.”

She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding as he leaned in and kissed the sensitive skin of her neck beforegathering her in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder and focused on him – the sound of his breathing at her ear, the feel of his hand making soothing circles on her back. Having traveled what felt like the entirety of space, Laura knew without a doubt that this was the safest place she could ever be.

Bill wanted to continue reassuring her, but he sensed that something had shifted within her. There were no warning bells going off in his head this time. He was curious to know what had pushed her to take this step with him; presumably it was her conversation with Elizabeth. But he knew that she would talk in her own time. Now was definitely not for talking, judging by the way her whole body was beginning to rock back and forth against him.

Laura smiled to herself, delighting in the sensation of her skin moving against the fabric of his clothing. There was something uniquely wonderful about being nude with a fully clothed man, and she was happy to finally allow herself to feel this particular joy again. They stood that way for what felt like a blissful eternity, reveling in the feel and touch of one another.

Feeling his semi-hardness against her, Laura pulled away slightly to give herself access to his face. Kissing him, she whispered, “Make love to me.”

Bill closed his eyes for a long moment, relief and joy flooding through him. He kissed her forehead, cradling her face in his hands.

*****

Laura lay on her back on the bed. She watched as Bill undressed before her. She’d wanted to assist him, but he’d asked her to simply lay back and relax. She’d never stopped to watch him disrobe before, and found the experience surprisingly erotic. Watching him prepare for making love to her was foreplay in and of itself. Every move of his body, every shift of the muscles in his arms had her breathing faster, her own body readying itself for the act. By the time the last piece of his clothing had hit the floor, her body was aching for him in ways she never thought she’d feel again. She reached for him, her heart skipping a beat when his skin finally touched hers.

He was on top of her, surrounding her and flooding her senses. Her hands moved up and down his back as he kissed her. His pace seemed leisurely, but Laura was having none of it. “I want you inside of me,” she said, breaking the kiss.

Bill hummed in agreement, his lips moving to her neck. He wasn’t getting the hint.

“Bill…” It was perfect torture as his mouth descended on her left breast. She hissed as he began to suck at and tease her nipple. “Please…I don’t want to wait anymore…”

“This isn’t waiting, Laura.” His lips moved against the sensitive skin between her breasts as he spoke.

As was the norm for them, words failed where action never did. She took his hand and guided it between her legs, wanting him to feel how wet she was.

“Gods, Laura,” he moaned as she spread herself completely open for him. He was getting it now.

“We’ve waited long enough, haven’t we?”

“Gods yes,” was his reply as he shifted his body over hers. He could tell that this was so very different from the last time they attempted to make love, but he still needed to be sure. “Look at me, Laura.”

When their eyes met, Bill was sure. Seeing her finally lay before him with such love in her eyes took his breath away. She smiled at him reassuringly as he placed himself at her entrance and slowly entered her.

Laura gripped his forearms, gasping at the feel of him as he slid inside her. She wrapped her legs around him, guiding his forehead to rest against hers.  _This_  was them. The perfect way they fit together, the way he filled her like no one else ever could. “Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi there,” he smiled blissfully and kissed her nose.

“I missed you.”

“Me too, baby.”

Laura could count on one hand the number of times he’d called her ‘baby’; each one during some of the more erotic and intimate moments of her life. She never thought she’d be one to enjoy the term of endearment, but knowing that he was the only man in all the galaxies who could call her that made her heart skip a beat. It did so now, and she reveled in the feeling.

He began to move, their hips falling into their own particular slow dance that time hadn’t forgotten. His eyes were on her face, but she wanted him to see something else. “Look at us.”

Bill rose up slightly, looking between their bodies to where they were joined. They both watched as his cock slid in and out of her, the candles casting the perfect amount of light on their union. “So beautiful, Laura.”

“Yes, we are,” she whispered against his hair. And she meant it. She’d never known anything more beautiful than what was between them.

There began an urgency to their movements, Laura’s legs gripping him tighter. He looked at her gorgeous young face, eyes fluttering as he moved within her. She may have looked slightly different, but the combination of soft moans and sighs that signaled her impending release was wonderfully familiar.

“Faster,” she gasped as he sank as deep in her as her body would allow.

Bill rose up, hands on either side of her head for leverage. Her long red hair lay beneath his fingers like flames. He did as she asked, quickening his movements. She met him stroke for stroke, her eyes never leaving his. Another familiar sound reached his ears as she began to hum pleadingly. She always did that on the verge of orgasm, and he knew just what she needed to get there. “I love you, Laura.”

His voice always pushed her over the edge, and this time was no exception. She cried out as her body exploded beneath him, hips slamming up into his over and over as the waves of ecstasy flooded through her. The feel of her coming apart around him sent him soaring and he came deep inside her with a shout of her name.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

They lay in bed, limbs intertwined.

For the first time in ages, Bill didn’t feel the need to ask if Laura was okay. She was running a finger over his face, smiling peacefully.

“I missed your face,” she said.

“It hasn’t gone anywhere.”

She hummed in amusement. “No, but I haven’t seen it like this in a long time.”

“How does it look?”

“Relaxed. Happy. Without a care in the worlds.”

He gave a short laugh. “I’m not sure I ever looked like that before.”

She nodded emphatically. “Yes, you have. The occasional moment, usually during sleep.”

“You watch me when I sleep?”

“Well, I won’t wake up to partake in the activity, but if I’m awake, yes I do.”

His hand ran up and down her back, hitting a particularly ticklish spot, and her body jerked away from the sensation. “Hmmm. That’s new,” he said.

“No, it isn’t.”

“To me, it is. Tickling was never high on our list of activities.”

“I’m not complaining. I  _hate_  being tickled.”

“Noted.” He moved away from her back, his hand slowly coming over the curve of her hip. He pushed her gently onto her back. Off her curious look, he explained, “I didn’t get to explore last night.  _Someone_  was in a hurry.”

Laura laughed. “We have plenty of time for exploring and foreplay.”

“And you’re fine with me ogling every each of you?”

“Mm hmmm.”

“Can I ask what caused the sudden change in you?”

“You can. We’ll talk about it later.”

Bill considered her reply. If she didn’t look so damned relaxed and happy he’d probably have pushed the issue. But she lay before him completely bare, wearing nothing but a peaceful smile. Her long red curls draped over both pillows; her arms rested at her sides.

“You can touch,” she said.

“Yes, I gathered that from last night,” he teased. His hand ran over her belly, no longer curved slightly from middle age or sunken in from disease. He touched her breasts, both full and round and perfect and healthy. They both watched as his hand made a trail down to the patch of hair between her thighs. This too was perfect, and he sighed at the visible reminder of her renewed health.

“Did you miss it?” she asked as his hand caressed the coarse curls.

Bill shrugged. “I never considered it before, but yes, I believe I did.”

“Could use a trim though.”

“I’ll do it.” He looked at her in permission.

Laura shrugged her shoulders. “Fine with me. You can see better down there anyway.”

“Good. I like taking care of you.”

“And I like taking care of you.”

He nodded. “You cook for me and I…landscape.”

She laughed then, the most joyful sound he’d ever heard. Suddenly she shifted, rising up and pushing him down onto his back so she could sit on top of him. His hands instantly went to her breasts. She closed her eyes and sighed, leaning into his touch. “I missed this.”

“I know you did.”

He continued massaging the soft flesh. “Look at them, Laura. How round and perfect they are.”

She smiled inwardly. His fascination with her breasts might never wane, and that was fine with her. Opening her eyes, she watched his hands as they worked. She could feel him growing hard beneath her, and she grinned at him. “Old Man? I don’t think so.”

Bill laughed, watching her rise up and reach down to take him in hand. He moaned the second her touch came into contact with his cock, working him quickly to full hardness. A fleeting thought had him amazed and grateful at his body’s speedy responses to her, but his mind went blank the moment she sank down on him. “Oh, Laura.”

She hummed, her hips moving in blissful circles. “Missed this, too.”

“Yes…” Bill watched her move, the tips of her hair teasing her nipples, the way her eyes closed and her fingers clenched at his chest as she picked up her pace. There were two ways to make love with Laura. The first, like last night, was a give and take. She was there with him fully in the moment. The second, like now, found her more focused. She was still there, loving him, but all her attention was on her release. Watching her working him, seeking out her own orgasm fueled his arousal. His hands found her hips, holding tight as she rode him faster.

Laura leaned forward in an effort to put pressure on her clit. He slid his hand between them and found her sweet spot. She bucked into his touch shamelessly with a moan. “Bill…”

He realized he could never tire of this. He longed to prolong the act just so he could watch her move. The way her brow furrowed, the way her breathing quickened, the way she bit her lip. The intensity coming off her was one of the most erotic things he’d ever experienced. She whimpered as her body reached new heights, and he knew it wouldn’t be long.

“Tell me what it feels like,” he commanded.

“Perfect…” she whispered.

She rode him faster and faster, seeking out her release. He waited until he knew she was on the verge of orgasm, and then held tightly to her hip as he rose up and slammed into her hard. Once, twice, and she did something he’d never seen her do before - she screamed. Body convulsing with the force of her orgasm, she collapsed on top of him. Three more sloppy thrusts and he followed her, groaning in release.

Her body heaved on top of his, breathing still erratic. His arms came up, hands caressing her back. He listened to her tiny sighs, felt the sweet puffs of her breath on his shoulder. Her heart thudded against his chest. And for the first time in his life, Bill Adama found himself thanking the Gods.

*****

“I don’t ever want to stop touching you.” Bill ran a finger slowly over the soft skin of her breast.

Laura hummed happily in response, basking in the afterglow.

“How old is this body supposed to be, anyway?” A kiss to her bellybutton.

“Hmmm, not sure. Late 30s, early 40s. If my memory serves, and that’s not something I hold much stock in these days.”

Bill had been making tiny circles on her inner thigh as she spoke, but now stopped and looked at her. “Late 30s?”

She looked at him in sleepy confusion. “Something like that. Why?”

“I do believe the former President of the Colonies airlocked all fleet birth control in an effort to repopulate the species.”

Laura slapped him playfully. “I did not.”

“Still, unless we want to start using animal intestines like our ancestors, we should be careful.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Gods, Bill. You need to brush up on your pillow talk.”

“I’m just being real. Cylons can get pregnant. Is that something you want?”

She was quiet for a long minute, lazily running a hand up and down his arm. “I don’t know. Wasn’t something I’d thought about. Do you?”

He shrugged, kissing her collarbone. “I’d be okay with it.”

Laura raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “Either way, I’d be happy.”

“Well, I suppose that’s good, because we have no control over it. Save for abstinence, of course.”

“Blasphemy.”

“Agreed. I can’t imagine being without this.”

A thought occurred to Bill then, and he patted her leg. “Speaking of being without something…”

Laura watched him lean over to the other side of the bed and open the drawer of the nightstand. “If you have animal intestines in there, you’re sleeping on the couch indefinitely.”

“Nope. Better. Close your eyes.”

She narrowed her eyes at him skeptically, but did as he instructed. He took hold of her hand and placed something cold and metallic in her palm. “What-“

“Open em.”

Laura gasped at the sight of her cherished silver bracelet. “Oh my Gods…”

“I’d forgotten I had it, actually.”

She grinned at him as she slipped it on her wrist. “I never thought I’d see this again.”

“Yeah. I don’t know why I kept it. I just-“

“I’m glad you did.”

“Me too.” Bill watched as she ran a finger over the smooth metal surrounding her slender wrist.

The familiar feel of the bracelet on her wrist brought forth certain curiosities she had, and she found she was unable to keep them unspoken any longer. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

Laura found she couldn’t look at him when she spoke. “Did you bury me in my glasses?”

“Why? You need em?”

She furrowed her brow. That was not the kind of response she expected. “No. I guess I was just curious.”

Bill got up from the bed and grabbed a small duffel bag from the corner of the room, digging through it and pulling out her glasses. He handed them to her without a word, zipping the bag back up and sliding it back in the corner before getting back into bed.

She looked at the long lost item in wonder. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“I was going to…leave them with you...I don’t know why I didn’t…”

The sad look on his face had Laura beginning to regret bringing the subject up. But in a new world full of questions and mystery, her death and subsequent burial held more answers than anything else.

“I took your wig off too,” he continued. He didn’t look at her, choosing instead to fiddle with the sheet beneath him. “I know how you hated it, how uncomfortable you said it was. I didn’t want you… _resting_ with it on.”

“You buried me  _bald_?” The question shot out of her mouth before she’d even processed the thought, and she winced at how callous it sounded.

Bill was surprised at her reaction as well, looking as if he’d been reprimanded. He shook his head. “I picked out that green scarf you liked.”

She didn’t bother to wipe away the tear that slid down her cheek. She reached for him, his shoulders beginning to shake the moment she touched him. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her neck. His tears fell into her hair as he wept. She let him cry, holding him tight.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill takes Laura down to the stream.

“Honey, I’m home!”

Bill closed the cabin door behind him and set down the bag of provisions he’d gotten from camp. “I got a loaf of bread! Can you believe it? And vegetables are taking root down there. We need to start a garden. Laura?”

He walked into the bedroom. “Laura? You in here?” He was about to check outside for her when he heard a muffled sigh.

“I’m back here.”

“Where?” He walked around the bed. “What are you doing??”

“Don’t laugh,” Laura warned. She was on the floor, knelt over a rather large metal basin full of what looked to Bill like dirty water. Her head was down, long hair wet in the basin.

“What is that smell?”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” she moaned.

“Not in the basin, I hope.”

“You aren’t helping.”

“What would you like me to do?”

“I don’t know! Help! I need clean water.”

Bill shook his head and went into the main room to fetch a jog of water. When he returned, he found Laura trying to run her fingers through her hair, without much success. “Here’s the water.”

“Thanks.” She didn’t sound very grateful to him, however.

He leaned in closer to the basin, trying not to breathe. “Is that egg in there?”

She whimpered. “It’s never going to come out. It’s a mess.”

“Why did you do that? We could’ve eaten those eggs, you know.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“No! I just don’t understand why you would put eggs in your hair.”

“Elizabeth said that some of the women in camp had tried different things to clean their hair, and this egg thing was supposed to work well.”

“Really? Huh. Her hair looked good the other day…”

“Bill Adama, if you’re getting any enjoyment out of this-“

“Okay, okay. Hold on. We’ll fix it.”

“How?”

Bill hadn’t dealt with this side of Laura before. Even when they shared his quarters for a time, he never saw her fuss over her appearance or spend much time on grooming. She went into the head in her robe (sometimes his), and came out in a suit with every hair in place. He realized he needed to tread carefully. Women could be pretty sensitive about this stuff, apparently even when they never showed an interest before.

“Take your hair out of there,” he instructed.

She grimaced, wringing the foul water from her hair and piling it on top of her head. Bill dragged the full basin over to their water closet, which technically wasn’t a water closet at all, as they had an outhouse. The water closet door was on the far wall, and inside was a steel bathtub. They had no running water, of course, so using the tub meant heating the water and filling it manually. Draining it, however, was an easier task, as a hole had been built into the floor of the closet to line up with the tub drain. Bill pulled the plug out of the drain and poured the basin water in. Finished, he turned to Laura, who looked to be on the verge of tears. She was pouting, water dripping from her hair down her face. The front of her blue shirt was soaked with water and what looked to be bits of yolk, but he decided not to ask.

“Alright, let’s fix you up.” He placed the basin back on the floor in front of her and went into the main room, coming back with another jug of water and a bar of soap.

Laura wrinkled her nose. “I hate that stuff. Dries my hair out.”

Bill frowned. “It’s either this, or the egg.”

She sighed, rolling her eyes and flipping her hair back into the basin. She closed her eyes as he poured clean water through her hair. His hands dipped the bar of soap into the water, lathering it and applying it to her hair. “Not too much on the ends, Bill.”

“You want to get that smell out, don’t you?”

He thought he heard her whimper as he ran the suds through her long hair. “I’m going to kill Elizabeth,” she said.

“Ok, I think we can rinse this out now,“  he announced after working the soap thoroughly through her hair.  He grabbed one of the jugs of water and rinsed her hair, taking care not to get water on her face. Squeezing the excess water from her hair, he grabbed the towel she’d she aside and wrapped it around her head. “There. Better?”

Laura sat up, one hand holding the towel in place, the other pressed against her lower back. “Ouch.”

“I don’t know why you don’t bathe with me down at the stream,” Bill said, watching as she rubbed her back.

“Not with those people watching.”

“Laura, they are your security detail. Believe me, their focus is elsewhere. Besides, you wouldn’t be naked.”

“I know.” She looked at him sitting beside her and giggled softly.

“What?”

She shrugged, shaking her head. “It’s just that when I first met you, I thought you were this stern, hardened stick in the mud. If anyone had ever told me you’d be washing my hair…”

“If anyone had ever told me I’d want to…” he countered.

“Hey!” They both laughed as she slapped his arm. Her towel fell from her head, long wet strands tumbling down.

Bill watched as she finger combed it off her face. “At least now you don’t smell like an omelet.”

Laura gave him a dirty look. “We’ll never speak of this again.”

“On one condition,” he added.

“What?”

“Come to the stream with me.” As she began to shake her head, he held a hand up. “I’m not saying you have to go for a swim. But I want you to at least see it. You’re alive, Laura. Live a little.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You’ve been talking to Saul, haven’t you?”

He nodded, leaning in and kissing her.

*****

Laura had to admit, it was wonderful to get out of the cabin.

The air was pleasantly cool, and the birds were chirping happily. She listened as Bill babbled on as they walked through the forest, pointing out flowers and the places he’d seen wildlife. He turned to her at one point, mid-sentence, to find her smiling at him. “What?”

“I’m glad you talked me into this,” she said, squeezing his arm.

“Well, I’m glad you’re glad. Now, as I was saying…”

Bill talked all the way down to the stream. The forest grew denser as they walked, eventually opening up and revealing a large open space. Laura gasped at the sight before her. Tall rock formations surrounded a stream pool, a decent sized waterfall cascading into it. “You said this was a stream!”

“It is,” Bill answered.

“That waterfall has to be taller than the both of us! This is no tiny stream, Bill.”

“I never said it was tiny.”

Laura shook her head, amazed at the beauty before her. The pool emptied into a running stream not far from where they stood. She approached it, dipping her hand in the cool water. Bill crouched down beside her. “I see why you come here,” she said.

“Come on.” He tugged at her hand and led her down to the edge of the stream pool. The side they stood on was shallow, the rock walls building in height to make a large C formation around it. Laura watched the waterfall across the pool.

“This is…I don’t have any words for this.”

Bill grinned at her, kissing her forehead. “I’m going in. You coming?”

“You said no swimming!”

“No, I said  _you_  don’t have to go for a swim. I didn’t say anything about me.” He pulled his shirt, pants, and shoes off faster than she’d ever seen. Flashing a smile at her, he waded in to waist deep water, and dove under.

Watching him swim, Laura felt jealous. It had been years since she’d been for a swim. And swimming with Bill…well, that was almost too much to resist, especially when he began to sing.

“Got a woman by a stream. Gonna show her all my dreams…”

She laughed at him, the sound echoing around them.

“You gonna come in and shut me up?”

She shook her head at him. “You’re relentless.”

“And you’re seething with jealousy. Get in here.”

Laura frowned, looking around for her security detail. Bill watched her, content that she wouldn’t find them. When he had gone down to speak to Sullivan and let him know of their excursion, he asked the former marine to make sure the guards kept a low profile. He grinned when she kicked her shoes off and unzipped her skirt, stepping out of it and draping it over a low branch. “I’m not taking my shirt off,” she said.

“Suit yourself. You’ll freeze walking back.”

Gods, she hated when he was right. After one more cautious glance at the tree line behind her, she pulled her shirt off and hung it by her skirt. She thanked the Gods that she had worn dark underwear as she walked into the pool, gasping when the water hit her waist. “It’s cold!”

“It’s much better once you’re all the way in. Didn’t your parents tell you that at the beach?” He winced at his comment, but Laura either didn’t hear it, or chose to ignore it. She took a deep breath, and dove under water. Bill watched the spot where she’d gone under, waiting for her to pop up. But she didn’t. “Laura?” He glanced around the surface, but the water remained steady and even. Just as he was about to go under and look for her, she popped up behind him, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Did I scare you?”

“Yes, you did. I thought you hit your head on a rock and knocked yourself out.”

Laura laughed, placing an open mouthed kiss to his shoulder. “Water tastes good on you.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm hmmm.”

“Well then let me try it on you,” he said, breaking free of her embrace and pulling her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. “I’m not sure below the waist contact is a good idea out here,” he warned.

“Why? Don’t wanna walk back with evidence of your arousal?” she teased, grinding her hips against his.

“Boy. For someone who wanted to swim with a long shirt on a couple of minutes ago, you lose your inhibitions pretty quick.”

Laura giggled in his ear. “They can’t see under water.”

“Oh yeah? Well in that case…” He thrust sharply against her.  _Two can play at that game_ , he thought.

She squealed. “Bill!”

“I’m right here,” he answered, punctuating his words with a few leisurely thrusts.

“We can’t do this!” Her voice was a whisper, which made him laugh.

“Do what? We aren’t doing anything, Laura. As far as anyone can tell, we’re just enjoying the water.”

She shook her head in mock disdain. “You’re incorrigible. Let me go now.”

Bill held her tight as she tried to push away from him. “Kiss me first.”

“I can’t! They’ll see!”

“So? What do you think they’ll do? Tattle on us?”

“No, but they don’t need to  _see_.”

“Why not? They sure as frak hear us.”

Laura gasped. “Bill! They do not!”

“Laura, I think everyone in  _camp_  hears us.” Bill wasn’t sure if the shocked look on her face was a put on or not. “Don’t you go getting quiet on me now. What we do in our house is our business.”

“Am I that loud?”

He laughed, pulling her face to his and kissing her forehead. “Kind of. But it’s sexy.”

Something in her demeanor shifted then, and she cocked her head coyly. “Really?”

“Yes. You’ve never had a man tell you that before?”

“No. I’ve never had a problem keeping quiet until you.”

“Good answer,” he said, chuckling.

“You still want a kiss?”

“What do you think?”

She leaned in, capturing his lips with hers. The kiss was slow and soft, punctuated by her tiny hums he could feel more than hear over the waterfall behind them. Breaking the kiss, Laura rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. Bill held her close, cradling her head and resting his own against her. He watched the ends of her long hair flowing in the water behind her, swaying with the slow current.

It was moments like this that made Laura want to cry. It was hard to be against her own resurrection when it allowed her such bliss. She found she was getting to a point where she could admit that maybe, just maybe, it was all worth it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill makes a discovery about Laura during an intimate moment.

_The waves carried us further and further from the shore. It was almost as if the ocean was forcing me to let go of my life and begin anew. How I wished it were that simple._

Bill turned the page of their charred copy of Searider Falcon to begin the final chapter, but Laura stopped him. “Let’s stop there.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Draw it out. We’ve waited this long, right?”

He smiled at her, closing the book. “I suppose so.”

They lay on the couch; Laura snuggled between Bill and the back of the sofa. He placed the book on his chest, hand resting on the cover. Laura curled her fingers around his and sighed happily.

“This is nice.”

“You wanna nap?” Bill asked.

Laura giggled. “Not especially. Do you?”

“I’m an old man. We like to nap.”

“You’re not  _that_  old. You’ve still got it where it counts.”

“I’m glad you think so,” he said, kissing the top of her head.

A thought occurred to Laura then, and although hesitant to ask, she needed to know. “Bill, does the age thing bother you?”

She felt him shrug beneath her. “Maybe in some ways,” he admitted.

She positioned herself so that she could prop her head on his chest and look into his eyes. “In what ways?”

“I hate that I don’t have as much time as you do now. I hate the thought of you living here alone, of you having to bury me. Things like that.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe I’ll go first.”

“Don’t.” His voice was hard and cold, a warning.

“I’m just saying, you can’t worry about those things. You have no control over them.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“What do you mean?”

“You had no control over your resurrection. Isn’t that the same thing?”

“No, it isn’t.”

“How so?”

“Because death happens to everyone, Bill. It’s a natural thing. There was nothing natural about what happened to me, what I am.”

He sighed. “I don’t want to argue, Laura.”

“We aren’t. Just discussing.”

“Speaking of discussing, you never answered my question.”

“Which one?”

“What brought about the change in you? What made you decide to take the next step with me?”

“It was something Elizabeth said. I was talking about how detailed my memories were, and how they had to have belonged to someone else. She said that even if that were true, many of the memories I have, I created myself. I  _have_  had my own experiences, made my own decisions. I realized that it was still within my power to do that.”

Bill tightened his arm around her. “I’m glad.”

“Thank you for taking me to the stream today.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Gods, I haven’t gone for a swim in years. It’ll be a gift from the Gods when the weather gets warm.” She paused for a moment, thinking. “It’ll get warmer, right?” Laura hadn’t asked too many details about the planet when they’d arrived. All she’d needed to know then was if it was habitable for the people.

“Yes, it should get much warmer.”

“I wonder if there are any swimsuits around.”

“I rather liked you in your underwear.”

“You like me out of it too,” she said with a grin.

“Well, yes, that too.”

“Speaking of…” She extracted herself from her place on the couch and headed to the bedroom. “I’ll be right back.”

Bill watched amusedly as she closed the bedroom door behind her. She’d come so far in such a short time. Part of him wanted to be cautious, fearful that she’d moved faster than she should have. But she projected an easy calm, and he was content to sit back and allow her to take the lead. Actually getting her outside and away from the cabin was a big step, and he was glad she enjoyed it. He’d begun to doze off when she called for him.

“Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you come in here? I need a hand.”

He smiled as he rose from the couch and went to the bedroom. She was definitely up to something…

Opening the door, Bill’s jaw dropped.

Laura was naked and bent over the bed, legs spread wide to give him one hell of a view. She was looking at him over her shoulder. “Frak me, Bill.”

He very nearly growled in response, kicking his shoes off as he approached her. He knelt before her sex, breath catching at the sight of her folds glistening in the candlelight. “Laura…”

“I got ready for you. Do you see?”

Bill had only seen her like this a handful of times. She wanted to frak. No sweet, loving gestures. No happy sighs and long kisses. And if that’s what she wanted, he was damn well going to give it to her.

Stripping off his clothing at lightning speed, he returned to his place on his knees before her. Without giving her a hint of warning, he shoved two fingers inside her. She moaned and bucked her hips back against him.

“This what you want, Laura?” She was so very wet, and Bill found himself growing hard just thinking about what she’d been doing in here to get herself this ready for him.

“No…more…”

“You want my cock?” The first time she’d urged him to talk this way to her, he’d been uncomfortable. But seeing how her body responded changed his thinking very quickly. Even now, he could feel her grow wetter around his fingers.

“Yes…”

He withdrew his hand and stood, guiding her hips further apart and positioning himself between her thighs. He teased her slowly, only allowing the tip of his cock inside her. She moaned in frustration, and tried to buck against him. He held her hips in position. “More, Laura?”

“Mm hmmm…”

Bill pulled back and slammed into her hard, causing her to make that sound she made all too rarely, something akin to a scream. Again he withdrew and slammed into her, this time hitting her cervix. Laura shuddered, hands grasping the sheet beneath her. “You like that, huh?”

“Oh, Gods yes…”

Holding her hips firmly, he began thrusting hard, making sure he hit the end of her with every stroke. Her face was buried in the sheet; her head tossed and turned on the mattress. She was babbling, mostly nonsensical things with his name and a plea to the Gods thrown in for good measure. Bill picked up his pace, the force of his thrusts making her gasp. He loved knowing she could come just from his cock deep inside her and his words in her ear.

“I want you to scream for me, Laura.”

“Oh my Gods…close…don’t stop…”

She was so frakking tight he could barely stand it. He ignored the familiar tingle at the base of his cock. His body was more than ready to come deep inside her, surrounded by her wet heat. But not before she did. He tried thinking of Saul, Cottle, heck, even a drunk Ellen to delay his impending orgasm. But it was no use. He knew within 3 thrusts he’d be over the edge. He slammed into her full force, making her cry out. She began to shake and buck beneath him and he knew he could-

What the frak?

Bill stumbled backwards, clutching Laura’s hips to steady himself. He stumbled over the pile of clothing he’d tossed on the floor, falling and bringing her with him. She squealed as she landed on his lap, still mid-orgasm. She grasped the side of the bed, still convulsing around him. But Bill couldn’t take his eyes off her spine.

It was glowing.

A bright red light pulsed up and down the length of her back as she orgasmed, something he’d surely never seen before.

“Did you come?” He could hear her speaking, but couldn’t understand what she was saying. “Bill?”

“Huh? Yeah.” His voice was shaky and he realized he  _hadn’t_  come. He was nearly there until the glowing thing started, and then…

Laura turned to him, still breathless. “Did you hurt yourself?” The color drained from her face when she saw his shocked expression. “What?”

All Bill could do was shake his head. He wasn’t even sure how to describe it to her.

“Bill! What?” She was starting to sound panicky, and he wanted to calm her down, but he couldn’t find the words.

Laura pulled at the sheets on the bed, clutching them to her naked body. “What’s wrong? What did I do?”

That question, coupled with the sight of her clutching the sheet protectively, snapped him out of his daze. He reached for her, and she backed away. “Laura…”

“No.” She shook her head violently.

“Laura…I…” Bill knew he needed to tell her, although he hated doing so. “Your back. Your spine. It was…glowing.”

“What?” She reached around and felt her spine, looking behind her in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“When you…came. There was a pulsing red light going up and down your back.”

Laura looked horrified. “Why? That’s never happened to me before!”

He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

She clutched the sheets tighter, knuckles white. Her lower lip began to quiver, and she bowed her head as she began to cry.

“Oh Laura...don’t.” Tentatively he reached for her, pulling her hands from the sheet. “Come here.” She went to him willingly, clutching him like a lifeline. He held her tight as she sobbed. “It’s okay…it’s okay.”

“No it isn’t! I don’t want this in our bed. I just want it to be us.”

“But Laura, it  _is_  us. This is you now. We just didn’t know about this part of you.”

“You looked horrified,” she sobbed.

“No. I was shocked. That’s all.”

“Same thing,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“Not quite.” He lifted her head to look at her, face wet with tears. “I love you, Laura. And if your spine glows, I’ll love that too.”

Her face crumpled, and she began to cry all over again. Bill guided her head back to his shoulder, cradling it with one hand while he rubbed her back with the other. He buried his nose in the soft skin of her shoulder, breathing in her familiar scent.  _This is Laura. This is Laura_. He closed his eyes and held her tighter.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Laura discuss their new discovery about Laura and their relationship.

Bill watched over Laura as she slept, her body curled up tightly beside him. He wasn’t sure how long she’d cried last night, but eventually she’d tired and he guided her into bed. She’d scooted over to the far side of the bed away from him, and when he tried pulling her closer, she told him he didn’t have to. He felt his heart break and a surge of anger rise within him at her words, but he took a deep breath and pulled her over to him anyway. She came willingly, and slept fitfully. Bill hadn’t slept a wink.

He looked at her face, brow furrowed and lips pulled into a tiny frown. He longed to make it better for her, but he knew all too well this was something she had to come to terms with on her own. All he could do was be patient. But he hoped she wouldn’t withdraw from him again. He wasn’t sure he could handle that.

Laura jerked awake, eyes suddenly wide, hands still curled in small fists under her chin. Bill stroked the side of her face. “Bad dream?”

She shook her head, eyes searching his. “You didn’t sleep,” she observed.

“I got enough.” It was a lie, and she knew it.

“You need your rest, Bill. It wasn’t too long ago that you were in sick bay-“

“Laura, I’m fine. Really. What I want to know is – are you okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She began to rise, and Bill stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. He gently pushed her back down on the mattress.

“I  _do_  want to talk about it.”

“Bill, please.”

“I don’t want you shutting me out, Laura.”

“I’m not. I just don’t think there’s anything to say.”

“What about how I feel? Maybe I need to talk.”

Laura shot him a look. “I don’t think you do.”

“What the frak does that mean?”

She pushed his hand away and sat up against the headboard. “It means that you never have anything to say. You just go with the flow.”

“I think you’re trying to pick a fight and I’m not gonna let you.”

“No, Bill. I’m being honest. You take  _everything_  in stride. I’m back from the dead?  That’s fine with you! I’m a Cylon?  Great! No problem there.  My body glows like the machinery it is when we frak? Fantastic! I mean, when is enough, enough?”

“How much more can I take, you mean?”

“Yes. There has to be a limit, Bill.”

“I don’t think so. I’ve made my feelings quite clear, as you’ve just shown. I think it’s your own feelings you need to be concerned with.”

Laura bit her lip, drawing her knees to her chest. When she spoke, her tone was softer. “You’re just so… _accepting_  of everything. It’s hard for  _me_  to accept that sometimes.”

“Why?”

“Because sometimes I think you aren’t being honest with yourself. I mean, anything’s better than me being dead, right? Or maybe not.”

Bill sat up. “Okay. Let me see if I get this. You don’t want to talk because you think I have nothing to say, and the reason I have nothing to say is because I’m in denial of how I really feel. Is that it?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I never said I made sense.”

“They’re feelings, Laura. Sometimes they don’t make sense.”

“See? There. That thing you do. You rationalize everything.”

“Well what would you like me to do? You act like you’re a burden I have to carry, like you should apologize for everything you are and everything you do. You want me to be honest with you? Fine.  _That_  makes me angry. I’m tired of you thinking that I think you’re lesser than you were before. I love you, Laura, and I want you here. I don’t have to be here; I  _want_  to be here. I’m committed to you because I want to be. I look at you and I see my partner, my wife. And that’s exactly what I want.”

She looked at him, considered his choice of words. “Your wife?”

“Yes,” Bill answered emphatically.

Laura thought of the ring he’d placed on her finger before he’d buried her. “How long have you thought of me in that way?”

“I don’t know. It’s just been you and me for so long now. And when I lost you, it just hit me. If we’d had more time, I would’ve probably presented it to you properly. But we never had that chance.”

Laura jumped up from the bed and ran into the main room. Bill barely had time to wonder what she was doing before she returned, a familiar item clutched in her hand. She crawled back on the bed and kneeled next to him with her offering. “If I’m your wife, I should have a token of your commitment,” she said, opening her hand to reveal his dog tags.

Bill smiled, remembering the evening on New Caprica when he’d placed them around her neck, whispering words of love and commitment. She’d been unable to truly hear those words then.

“Where did you find these?” he asked.

“Where you left them.”

He gave a short laugh. “You sneaking through my desk drawers?”

“ _Our_  desk drawers,” she corrected.

“Yes, they are that.”

“So?” She let the tags dangle from her fingers, and they jingled as she spoke.

“I’m wondering where you got this idea from,” he teased.

Laura narrowed her eyes at him. “I may have been inspired by a certain someone’s romantic gesture on another planet.”

“Mmm. And as I recall, you weren’t too enthused by that gesture.”

She clucked her tongue. “That’s not true. I just didn’t know how to respond.”

“And now you do?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“What’s changed?”

She looked at him as if he were crazy. “ _Everything_.”

Bill persisted, wanting her to put a voice to what had been the wall between them. “What’s changed, Laura?”

She knew what he was asking for, and she knew she owed him an explanation. “I never believed this could happen. All my life,” she rolled her eyes. “All the  _memories_  I have were filled with everyone around me finding this mythical thing. Everyone knew what love was. They all believed in it.”

“And you didn’t?”

“No. It was like…ghosts.” Off his quizzical look, she explained, “People say they’ve seen ghosts, right? But how do you know they exist if you’ve never seen one for yourself?”

“It’s called faith, Laura. I shouldn’t have to be the one to tell you that.”

“I know. But I was tired. I just stopped having faith that it would ever happen for me.” Laura looked at him. “And then I met you.”

“And you fell in love with me immediately?” he teased.

Laura laughed softly. “Not quite. You wormed your way in though. By New Caprica, I thought I was ready. I wanted more. But now I know I wasn’t quite ready. What you offered me was so deep and true and real, and it terrified me. What if I reached for it, and it slipped through my fingers?”

“You know that won’t happen now.”

She nodded, “I know.”

“You sure you wanna be stuck with me?”

She giggled. “I do.”

“Good.” He took the tags from her and placed them around her neck, kissing the cold metal before letting it rest against her skin. “My wife,” he proclaimed.

“My husband,” she whispered, sliding under the covers and into his arms.

“Laura Adama.” Bill tested the name on his tongue, liked the way it sounded.

“No Laura Roslin-Adama?”

He shrugged. “Whatever you want. I go with the flow.”

She slapped him playfully and snuggled deeper into his embrace. “I appreciate your patience more than I can say.”

“I’m sure I have my limits, Laura, but they’re nowhere close to being reached. I knew you’d need time, and I have plenty of patience to offer. I wasn’t expecting a simple road.”

“I don’t think you were expecting my spine to glow either.”

“Well no. And that was shocking, and it did take me out of the moment. But, I don’t know, you know…the more I think about it, the less shocking it is.”

“For you, maybe.”

“Yes, for me. I don’t give a shit if your spine glows or you sprout wings or you turn green in the moonlight. But I can understand why you would.”

“ _Turn green in the moonlight_?”

“It was a book I read once.” Switching gears, he said, “Tell me what bothers you about what happened last night.”

“You don’t know?”

“I do, but I want you to tell me.”

Laura let out a heavy sigh. “It’s a reminder of what I am. One that seems to come at a very intimate, vulnerable moment. Another thing to add to the list of things I don’t understand about myself. Another thing that I have to think about and deal with.”

“Do you think making love is going to be a problem for you?”

“I don’t know. I do know we won’t be engaging in that position again anytime soon.”

Bill’s mind flashed to her as she was the night before, bent over the bed, legs spread for him. “I figured that,” he said, not without a hint of regret in his voice.

She smiled into his chest. “I almost just apologized,” she confessed.

“See? Progress.”

“I’m sure I’ll be open to giving other positions a university try.”

“Oh really?” He slid a hand up her thigh.

“Not now though. I don’t want to tire you out.”

“That’s it!” Bill flipped them so she was on her back, arms pinned to the mattress. Laura squealed in surprise.

“Good move for an old man,” she said, giggling.

“Now, now. You know I’m sensitive about that.” His tone was light, teasing.

Laura hummed happily, wrapping her legs around his waist. Bill released her hands and she slid them around his neck. “You’re  _my_  man. Young or old, I don’t care.”

“And you’re my woman. Glowing spine or not, I don’t care.”

She kissed him, sighing into his mouth. “Well played, Mr. Adama.”

“Game, set, match, Mrs. Adama.” He kissed her long and deep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura receives a visitor at the cabin.

It was a sunny afternoon. Laura had one of the windows in the main room open as she sat on the couch and read. There was a slight breeze, and the sound of birds chirping drifted in to keep her company. Bill had gone down to camp to get their supper. One of these days, she was going to have to join him. She knew that. But her last existence seemed to be full of doing what was best for the people, and while she was glad to have been of service, this time she chose to be a bit more selfish with her time. According to the men on her security detail, there were more curious people coming around the cabin every day. Laura longed to visit the stream again, but it was going to have to wait.

A knock on the door disturbed her thoughts. Sullivan was usually the only one to knock on the door, save for Saul. She put the book aside and walked to the door. “Who is it?”

“Sullivan, ma’am. “

Laura relaxed at hearing the voice of her most trusted guard. He was a good man, and she felt safe with him on the grounds. She paused before opening the door, however, when he continued.

“There’s someone here to see you. The Admiral’s son. I wasn’t sure, ma’am. Shall I send him away?”

She bit her lip. Instinct told her to wait for Bill to return home. But this was Lee. It wasn’t a mob of people.  _I can do this_ , she told herself.

“Ma’am?”

In reply, Laura opened the door. Sullivan stood on the top step, Lee at the bottom. While Bill was schooled at keeping his emotions in check, his son was not. Lee looked stunned to see her, mouth opening and closing in an effort to speak.

“Hi Lee,” she said.

“Laura.” Her name sounded foreign to both of them coming from him.

“Your father isn’t here.”

“I know. Saul said he’d be down at camp. He was supposed to come up himself, but I think there was an Ellen problem.”

“Oh. Saul sent you?”

“Yes.” Lee tentatively stepped up to the door and held out a small box. “He wanted me to give this to you. He got what you asked for, he said.”

Laura took the box and smiled. “Would you like to come in?”

“Uh, yes. Thank you.”

As he entered, Laura nodded to Sullivan, indicating that she was okay and he could return to his post. She shut the door and turned to Lee, who was looking around the cabin.

“I haven’t been up here in a while.”

“Well, not much has changed.” They both smiled at her unintended joke. “Well, not much besides myself, anyway. Can I get you anything? We don’t have iced tea, but we have room temperature tea.”

“That’ll be fine, thank you.”

She nodded to the couch. “Have a seat.”

Lee watched her place the box in a bag by the couch before heading to the stove to fetch their drinks. “So, what’s in the box?”

“You didn’t look?”

“No. Should I have?”

Laura shrugged. “It’s a surprise for your father. Might as well be a surprise for you, too.”

“Okay.”

Laura was aware of his eyes on her, watching her every move as she poured their tea. Surprisingly, she wasn’t as bothered by it as she thought she’d be. When she turned to him, glasses in hand, he quickly shifted his gaze to the window. She sat beside him on the couch, offering him a glass.

“I wanted to thank you for what you did for us when your father was in sick bay. I wasn’t ready…”

“I understand.”

“You do?”

“Uh, actually no. I guess I should say ‘you’re welcome’ instead.”

Laura nodded, watching his eyes dart around the room, never looking directly at her. “It’s okay, Lee. You can look.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just-“

“Strange. I know.”

“And it’s really you?”

“Yes.”

“And you had no idea?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Wow. That must’ve been…awful.” He paused, considering his words. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay. It  _was_  awful.”

“And my dad’s okay with…”

“I think you should talk to him about it.”

“I might, but he’s been hard to get a hold of lately.”

“Yeah, he’s had his hands full. But he tells me he’s happy, and I have no reason to suspect otherwise.”

Lee nodded. “He’s changed a lot, my father. For the better.”

“I think we all have.”

“You might be right. Even Gaius Baltar has changed. He’s a farmer now.”

“Lee, I think he always was a farmer. He just tried to be everything but that.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He finally looked at her, taking in the slight changes in her face and hair, mostly surface differences. “And how are you with all this?”

“Well, I’m not gonna say it’s been easy. But I’m doing better. Your father has been wonderful.”

“Good.”

“So. How is it down there? I hear bits and pieces from Saul, but I’m not sure he has the view you do.”

“It’s going well. The people are surprisingly easy-going. I think they’re all just happy to be on land again. I’m sure it won’t last.”

Laura laughed. “I’m sure you’re right. And you’re okay overseeing all of it?”

Lee shrugged. “I’m fine for now. We need someone to keep everything in order. I’m willing to be that person for a time.”

“And after?”

“I want to explore,” he said with a smile. “Mountains and oceans, and everything in between.”

“Sounds wonderful.”

“Yeah.”

Laura wanted to ask him what he was really thinking about her, but sensed there was no need. Their conversation was effortless, probably the easiest one she’d had yet. She felt no tension or apprehension coming from him.

“So, do you think-“ Lee was cut off by Bill entering the cabin.

“We got meat, Lau-“ Bill stopped in the doorway, staring at his son on the couch. “Hi Lee.”

“Dad.” Lee stood and went over to help his father with the few items he’d brought from camp.

“It’s good to see you, son.”

“You too.”

Bill looked at Laura, who’d taken the wrapped meat from Lee. Concern flashed in his eyes, but she smiled at him in reassurance.

“Lee, would you like to stay for dinner?” Laura asked.

“Ah, do you have enough there?”

“I think we do.”

“That okay with you, Dad?”

“Of course. You’re always welcome here.”

“Okay. What can I do to help?”

 

*****

Later that evening, after Lee had gone back to camp and the dinner dishes were cleared, Bill and Laura lay in bed.

“Was a nice visit,” Bill said.

“Mm hmmm.” Laura lay in Bill’s arms, her head resting on his chest.

“What did you two talk about before I came home?”

“Sleepy…”

“I didn’t think you got sleepy,” he teased.

“I’m learning.”  She nestled deeper in his embrace, her hand coming to rest over his heart.

“’K, babe. Sleep now.”

“Mm hmmm. Surprise for you tomorrow…”

Bill wanted to ask what kind of surprise, but Laura had drifted off, the tiniest of smiles on her face. He kissed her forehead, closing his eyes and letting sleep take him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura gives Bill a gift.

Bill woke slowly, but before he’d even opened his eyes, he knew something was amiss. There was no Laura tucked safely beside him. He quickly opened his eyes to quell the fear that the past month had been nothing but a dream. He smiled at seeing her nightgown draped over the foot of their bed, which was where she always placed it when she dressed for the day.

He sat up and tossed the covers aside, stretching as he got up and ventured into the main room.

“Laura?”

“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

“What are you doing?”

Laura sat on the floor in front of the couch with a pile of flowers before her. “I’m making something.”

Bill frowned. “You shoulda woke me.”

She stood, approaching him and running a hand through his mussed hair. “You’re adorable when you wake up grumpy.”

“I’m not grumpy,” he protested, pulling her close and kissing her. “I just don’t like to wake up alone.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.” The smile she flashed him was mischievous.

“Yeah?” Bill slid his hands down her back, realizing she was wearing something he’d never seen. “What is this?”

She shrugged shyly, stepping back so he could see all of her. Her dress was white, with long sleeves and a square neckline. He liked it, mainly for the view of his tags hanging around her neck. It was fairly short as well, which offered him another favorable view.

“I like it. Kinda dressy. What’s the occasion?”

“I told you. I have a surprise for you. You have to turn around though. No peeking.”

“Should I change or something?” He gestured to his ratty sweatpants.

“No. Just turn.” She made a circle with her hand and he followed her instruction.

“No peeking!”

Bill smiled. This was a side of Laura that was new to him. He was happy to learn that without the Presidency on her shoulders, she was quite the cheerful soul. He could no longer count the number of times he’d heard her laugh; nor did he fear each smile she gave him would be her last. She had struggles ahead of her, he knew, but for the first time, he wasn’t worried about fear or external pressures taking over. More moments than not, she was happy. She smiled more than she frowned; she laughed more than she cried.

“Okay, you can turn now.”

The first thing Bill saw when he turned was the ring of flowers on her head. He was momentarily perplexed, until he saw the small box in her hands, and put them together. She stepped toward him, holding the box like an offering.

“Will you marry me?”

He’d never had a moment in his life take his breath away before this one. The box was opened, and 2 rings lay inside. His answer was undoubtedly ‘yes’, although his mind and his mouth were disconnected. All he could do was nod, although judging from her giggle, he was perhaps a bit overzealous with his gesture.

“I know we’re committed, and we’ve pretty much had this conversation already,” she fingered the tags around her neck, “but I miss seeing you with a ring. And I love what you did with yours, I do, I just miss seeing it on you.”

“And where did you find these?”

Laura smiled, taking the larger of the rings from the box. “These are no ordinary rings. I had them made with metal from Galactica.”

Bill shook his head, his eyes filling with tears. There could never be anything more perfect than this moment, this gesture, from this woman. He watched as she took his hand and slid the ring onto his finger.

“You love her. She was our home. The first real home I ever had. And she should be part of us.”

He did the only thing he could think to do – grabbed her and kissed her fiercely until they were both breathless. When their lips parted, he whispered his love for her against her soft cheek. “It’s never been like this, Laura. You have to know that. I’ve never loved anyone this much.”

She caressed his face, nodding against his cheek. “I know.”

Bill took the smaller ring from the box, and held her hand in his. “For as long as we both shall live, and forever after.” He placed the ring on her finger, bringing it to his lips and kissing it.

 

*****

They lay on the couch that afternoon, Laura nestled against Bill as he read to her from Searider Falcon.

“The last page,” she whispered.

“Finally.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for it to end?”

He looked down at her, her younger face now as familiar to him as the one he’d known before. “Yes. It’s time.” He cleared his throat, and read the last lines of their beloved book for the first time:

_I have found a place in the trees, my love, small and warm with the sun in the day and cool in the night, my love, cool and bright with the moon. Far away from the road and the villages and tucked away under a hill, a new place to live by a river, my love, like a story book memory, rich and green and overgrown. A place where the world is invisible, an unsuspecting place, a place of innocence still trembling with the touch of creation, still warm with the imprint of the Gods’ thumbs. The earth is fresh, and in the summer there is a buzz of fertility vibrating over the surface, generating possibilities out of its root beginnings, eating rain and spewing up life from its belly with random wisdom and utter faith. I’ve watched, I’ve seen it. I’ve sat in its lap and felt a wild heart beating in the underbrush, making sense of the chaos like an old faithful clock that ticks for free with no hands to mark the lost time. I have found a place, my love, unmarked, untouched, unspoiled by the hands of man. A place to begin again and find again the root and seed and make a life. A place to be together. A place where it makes sense to die._

 

*****

_Some years later…_   
  


Laura reached out and brushed a spot of dirt off one of the stones covering the grave. It was a ritual, starting as a daily one, and as time wore on, a weekly one. The pain had dulled, and given way to a sort of comfort. She knew Bill was close in more ways than one, and the thought always brought a smile to her face. She could no longer touch him, but he was all around her.

A gentle breeze ruffled her hair as a tiny hand covered her own. “Is this a good place, Mommy?”

Laura smiled. “It’s perfect.”

She watched as her daughter placed a tiny bunch of flowers on the grave, taking special care to arrange them just so. “I think Daddy would like those. He always picked them, didn’t he, Mommy?”

“Yes, baby, he did.” Laura reached for her daughter, gathering her in her arms. The flowers they had picked were the same ones that Bill used to lay on her grave all those years ago. He’d told her so.

“Tell me a story about Daddy,” she requested, shifting in her mother’s arms and looking at her with piercing blue eyes.

“Okay. Do you remember when he and Uncle Saul would take you to see his big ship, the Galactica? We used to live on that ship, and we used to travel way up there in the sky…”  
  
 _The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The passage Bill recites from Searider Falcon is from a play called Black Angel, by Michael Cristofer. 
> 
> Feel like you missed something? Laura didn't mingle with the people! They didn't have waterfall sex! And why did they have to have a kid??! The Last Resurrection II: New Beginnings will address everything. Maybe. ;)


End file.
